DNA

No he can’t apply with Child Maintenance but he can take you to court to apply for PR but he would have to pay if he wanted PR

@Lauren if he got the result will that help in his case

Yes it would help his case to get PR because he has proof he’s the dad

@@Laurenwith PR can he continue to control/abuse me? Is it worth doing ?

PR is parental rights so he will have rights to your child he could use the child against you or use the child to find out information about what you get up to and who your with etc. but I can’t answer if it’s worth it as it’s your decision

I endured physical and emotional abuse by my ex and controlling behaviour. Just had my final hearing this week and my ex has been granted PR change of name and named on the birth certificate even though i expressed how much he will use this as another form of control over me. Unfortunately the courts aren’t interested in DV or emotional abuse and was told by my barrister that it’s very VERY rare that fathers aren’t granted PR, even women that have non molestation orders and the fathers have still been granted contact and PR and put on the birth certificate. The system is an absolute travesty

Personally I wouldn't bother as there are ways he can use PR to his advantage

@Olivia it's awful isn't it, courts generally don't care at all. Even when the father has hurt the child (baby has suspected autism and problems with muscles and more) and they were siding with him. It's so messed up

@Nicole it’s absolutely diabolical, they claim to have the child’s best interests in mind yet grant these “fathers” everything they want and more ontop of it, yet if the roles were reversed we would have our children removed from our care. The whole system needs to be reevaluated!

@Olivia what would you suggest please? Go ahead with the dna through cms or leave it

@Nicole he can get this from me doing the dna through CMS?

I had my son in September last year and I never applied for CSA as I wanted my ex to come forward himself to prove he could be a responsible parent, he never done this and my son has never received a penny off his father. He said to me he would never financially support anyway because he wasn’t on the birth certificate or had PR. Now he has both of those things he’s still trying to argue about financial support, again proving all he’s doing this for is a form of control and weaponising our child. Personally, if you can financially support yourself and your child on your own I wouldn’t even bother

@Olivia I was wondering if I’m missing out as I know he pays other ex’s through CMS To be honest I can financial support us without him. I was just wondering. He did say if I apply he wants dna to get pr. Obsessed with pr even though he isn’t stable at all

You can always do the child maintenance calculator online to give you a rough guide of how much you could receive. I would personally leave it if I were you, I’ve managed just fine and the matter of getting money from him was never a concern to me I just wanted him to prove he could be a responsible parent and he still never even done that himself. Cafcass worker also said he “didn’t have to financially support his child” and my ex is saying now he has PR and set contact he has no issue with paying CSA.. so basically he’s saying even though our son is 14 months old, he only became a Dad on Tuesday after the final hearing 😂🤣 don’t think they realise how ridiculous they actually sound. Cafcass will recommend he’s granted PR if there’s no doubt on the paternity

@Olivia I've always said that, because my sons father claimed the Marks left over his body from contact and banging his head/bending his legs causing him to scream and be sock 3 times was 'unintentional' but if I done it myself would be different. I always see people say it's a money making scheme etc x

The father can apply to mediation then court to be added on BC and get PR once dna is done x

@Nicole if he doesn’t get dna through CMS. What’s his route ?

If he doesn't do the dna test, it would still be the same process if he chose to go for contact unfortunately. So mediation would be first (unless exempt due to DA) and then court if its unsuccessful x

@Nicole my god that’s absolutely terrible😢😭 so sorry you and your little one had to go through that.. it totally is I said to my barrister on Tuesday I feel because I’m a legal aid applicant, my side of the story doesn’t matter or is taken seriously but because my ex paid for proceedings his lies and fabricated stories by himself and the Cafcass worker have been taken as stone cold fact.. money definitely talks x

@Nicole sorry I meant if I don’t do the dna. What would he then have to do ?

@Olivia my ex told the judge I plastered about the court proceedings over social media ( never had, I just shared random posts no regarding court and he basically admitted to stalking me finally and they believed him without evidence 🤷‍♀️ and I was told I can't speak to explain ). Oh no way sorry to hear, yeah they dont bother about controlling behaviour or abuse either which is shocking x

Oh sorry so if dna isn't done, and he has requested it I think he can apply for it to be court ordered. But if it's not brought to his attention he may not bother x

@Nicole if he can get court ordered dna. Does it make sense to get it done now instead of missing out on CMS or don’t risk it ? Thank you I’m not law savvy xx

It's a tough decision as CMS doesn't get back dated. In that sense yes, it would be better to apply now if he would take it to court. But is he currently having contact? If he is not, and you rather he does not then I would leave applying for CMS until he applies for contact through mediation or court (I did that, so I left applying for cms and didn't bother applying until my son was 7 months). If you feel you are managing now and rather not hear from him I'd personally wait until you hear if hes applied for contact x

My baby dad don’t have pr because he couldn’t be bothered to turn up to the registry office when I had to register her but if he did he would 100% use my daughter against me. He used to manipulate me, control me and abuse me verbally, mentally and physically. Told me god knows how many times he will see me in court she’s almost 3 and I’m still waiting for his empty threats to become reality.

@Lauren @Nicolethat’s the thing. Thank you for sharing this. Even with a past history of dv he can still use PR to control me isn’t it ? With the dna he can get this ? And I probably won’t be able to disprove it ? I’m trying to weigh up the pros and cons. I feel it’s not fair he isn’t contributing but then again I don’t want him around us ever due to his toxic and abusive ways

@Lauren please advise xx

He can still use control over you with PR xx

My baby dad still does even tho he don’t have PR he thinks he can still control me. He don’t see his daughter due to his past

Yes he can still control you like it which is wrong. And it gets pushed aside unfortunately