Guidance

What do you do when your boyfriend’s daughter whom is 7 doesn’t follow rules in the home, doesn’t listen to anything she’s told, and just kind of does what she wants. I’ve tried to have countless talks about rules. For instance, not walking around carrying her 6 month old sister, but she chooses to still do it. Every thing I try to ask her not to do she still does. I’ve tried talking to my boyfriend about her behavior and how she doesn’t follow rules of the home, she doesn’t listen to anything we tell her, she is disrespectful to me..And he always gets mad at me saying I’m talking about her like she’s a burden. Then goes on telling me to handle the situations and stop bringing them to him. Makes excuses saying she’s just a kid. Meanwhile, the 15 year and 13 year old in the home have to follow rules and listen or they get grounded. I tried discussing with him it seems like rules don’t apply to her and favoritism is shown. I’m just at a loss of what to do. Help.

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Wow .. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. This must be so frustrating and hurtful for you. 🥺 She is your boyfriend’s child and ultimately his responsibility, that is not fair or appropriate that he is pushing it back on to you and not getting involved. That’s lazy and disrespectful towards both you and his daughter. Does the 7 year old live with you full time or shared custody? In all honesty I’d be at a point of setting an ultimatum with your boyfriend to step up or step out. (Either she doesn’t come around anymore or he leaves with both of them). Otherwise I can’t see this changing. He isn’t respecting the home or your feelings. Are the older kids yours or his?

@Tash we have her every other weekend. I have a 13 year old daughter that lives with us full time. He has a 15 year old son that lives with us full time. And we share an almost to be 7 month old. It’s just mentally draining. I just don’t see it fair at all that the two that live in our home full time have to follow rules of the home or have repercussions, but it seems like she’s never getting in trouble for anything. If I can see that looks like favoritism, I’m sure the older children can also. Oh he’s told me it sounds like I don’t need to be around when she’s here. Which I’ve responded I’m not the issue. How are you going to remove me from the situation instead of resolving the problem itself? I mentioned I don’t like her carrying our daughter around because our daughter is getting more active and heavy, I don’t want her to get dropped. I’ve mentioned to him I don’t like her standing and climbing all over the furniture or climbing up on the kitchen counters to reach things.

@Tash To which he just replies she’s just a kid. A 7 almost 8 year old child that knows better. I told him yesterday it’s our job as parents in the home to teach them respect, how to follow rules, how to listen, how to tell the truth, etc.. things a school doesn’t teach you. That it’s our job to raise them to be decent human beings when they grow up. He just told me I’m blowing things out of proportion and always have something to say about her. Yes, because nothing is being resolved. It’s just getting worse. I’ve contemplated leaving not only for this, but for numerous other issues. But it’s hard for me to trust my 7 month old would be in good hands and care when I’m not in the picture. Ever since I’ve been with him, I’ve been the one caring for his daughter. So who’s going to care for mine? It makes me sick to my stomach to even think of the scenario.

@Tash I’ve always told people don’t stay because of the kids that your happiness matters also. I never believed or thought I would be one of those people staying because of a child 😩

My 7yo does the same things - even with discipline. Idk if it’s a hormonal, growth thing or what but it’s rough. It feels like having a teenager 😓

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