I've given up

I want to say live* with your parents and get counseling. He needs consequences to his actions, or sit him down and try to show him how his life hasn’t changed at all since having a child and yours has been turned upside down. Go as far as admitting you’re insecure and do need to “get a life“ but you need to work as a team so the both of you can do better. You need some “me” time how he gets his and that you just want to get your life back.

Ok hear me out. He needs accountability for his actions and he needs to express a desire to be a better man. That’s true. *But also* I think it actually is a real thing to lose ourselves in being a SAHM. My husband has told me before that I’m the most attractive when I’m doing something I used to love, or when I’m practicing self-care. It’s so hard bc we want to prioritize our families and marriages first… But taking care of ourselves not only is good for us, but it’s also good for our kids and our relationships! I’m just positing that *could* be what he means emotionally when he says you need to get a life? It was totally over the line to say that, and is completely rude. I’m just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt if he’s not the kind of guy to easily express what he really means/feels? And if you were arguing emotions were probably high yeah? So maybe he didn’t mean that *exactly*? Just throwing this out there. Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t 🫶🏼

If you want to leave & live with your parents, I would recommend you considering being a nanny where you can earn money and bring your daughter with you!

Why do you think being a good wife is not holding him to his responsibilities? His child - he parents. His house - he cleans. It shouldn't all be on you!

Hmm. It's more complicated than "just leave". You've allowed his behaviour. You've enabled it by not requiring him to help around the house or do half the parenting. So it's, well, unfair to suddenly have so much resentment about that, that you're just going to up and leave. You're missing all the steps where you express you need help, your needs aren't being met, he isn't involved enough, and give him an opportunity to change.

Here to say that Even if things get better , make sure you never have to consider staying in a mariage because of (lack of) finances. Study remotely, work one day a week… anything but have a fallback plan. Good luck!

Letting him relax, nap, play games and not asking him to do things like childcare isn’t the marker of a “decent” wife. His mother would do that, or a housemate… or staff. You’re his wife. He needs to work on respecting you for all you do, understanding he has joint responsibilities, speaking to you as his equal not his cleaner. “Get a life”? Who is he talking to?

@MaryKate that's an amazing idea, thank you

best thing i did was become a single mom. the house is soooo much cleaner & emptier with just me & my son. i have muxh more fun with my son. im back at my pre pregnancy weight. the gloww up is real im hot af its annoying how sexy i am🙄 divorce>>>>

@Ella shes married to him basically trapped she didnt “allow this” it happened to her and she has to deal with it. i hate when people told me “you allow him to cheat on u” it would make me feel like it was my fault. its not. nobody is allowing it by staying. she literally is a sahm and is trapped.

@honey annoying how sexy I am 🤣🤣 girl I love this energy

I will say, I left for two weeks. After one massive fight, I packed up all my stuff and left to stay with my parents. We had little to no communication. I got a therapist, lost like 10 pounds from stress but started to pour time and energy back to self. Because my partner almost never takes care of our daughter without me present, this was the first time i could focus on myself. I got my hair done, manicure, took a few hot yoga classes. Went for long walks in the city with my baby and let me parents spoil me (I'm very lucky) My parents cooked for us and took baby whenever I needed some time to reflect. When I got back our relationship was completely different. We both decided to do the WORK, it's by no means perfect but when things arise we are able to have conversations instead of yelling matches. He is more involved with out daughter (less than I would like but it's improving) and he's more communicative overall. getting some space can be huge. I would try to have a calm conversation with him

let him know the current dynamic is not working for you and you need some space.

@honey he didn't cheat 🤔 and if you never ask your hubby to look after the baby, they never do, and that becomes the dynamic. She thinks she's "been a good wife" by not asking him to do anything, but she should have been asking him to help from day 1!

@Ella ik. i was talking abt myself. i got cheated on

@Ella you’re right to an extent. That’s an exception with how men are built today anyway. A lot of them will do the things you ask them to do wrong so you won’t want to ask them again. My husband listens to me but who is to say her does too

@Ella she is a good wife btw. she carried the whole fucking family and as a man a provider he also should have stepped up and took initiative but he didnt hes verbally abusing her. im not gonna let u talk down on this woman so watch ur mouth

@honey I'm not talking down to her 🤔

@Ashby I think the difference is (and I acknowledge this is an assumption because OP has yet to clarify) she hasn't even asked. She doesn't say he's faking being incompetent She doesn't say he refuses to help when asked She SAID she never asks him to do anything and now she's sick of it

@Ella ur words… “she thinks shes ‘been a good wife’”…. dont fucking gaslight u knew what u were doing

@honey you are sooo angry 🤔 dunno why you're projecting at ME, I didn't cheat on you.

@Ella yes i do get very angry when i have to talk to clown ass women like u 🤡🤡🤡

@Ella u have a whole post about ur husband being sexist and u wanna talk about training men in marriages🤣🤣🤣