Paying my mum for childcare

You're lucky your mum helps at all I have no help whatsoever. I would be grateful for what she does and just accept that she has brought up her kids and is under no obligation to bring up yours too. She deserves a bit of time for herself. I don't expect she is bothered about the money. Looking after kids that age is really tiring!

@Becky she is bothered about the money. Very much so. We had to sit down for a long time to make sure she wasn’t losing out on any money. She made me feel guilty about sending him to nursery so offered to take him but only if we paid her.

@Becky and I am very grateful! I adore my mum and she knows how grateful I am. But the reason she has him is because she so desperately didn’t want him to go to nursery. I get she might want time to herself but then don’t expect me to pay for it!

Sounds like she has changed her mind - probably realised it's harder work than she thought it would be looking after a baby. If nursery is cheaper I would just send baby there instead and save any awkward conversations about money etc

I agree with Becky. Sounds like it was her way of saying that maybe she’s finding it a bit overwhelming & difficult and would like a bit of help with nursery. Or maybe she just wants to work instead. She is allowed to change her mind. That’s the issue with family childcare. You’ll obviously pay her the less she has him? My mum & dad have my 15 month old a lot, and they are knackered after 🤣. I get it’s a bit of an inconvenience but I don’t think it’s very fair to be upset or say anything. Nursery will probably be better for him anyway now

@Amelia yeah I did think that maybe she found it a bit overwhelming. Of course she’s allowed to change her mind. I’d just thought she would’ve come to me and told me that. We are very close my mum and I. I guess it’s because she was funny with me going back to work - said I should be with my son. I explained that I’d give anything to be with him but if I want to keep a roof over his head then I have to work which is why she then offered to have him 2 days. I just don’t want to upset her or cause an argument by bringing it up but also I don’t feel right about sending him to nursery when it’s one of her days as I’d rather he was with her! Surely it’s ok for me to feel that way too? It’s my son after all 😂

@Becky yeah I did think about sending him to nursery instead. Just don’t want to upset her by suggesting to do so. 😩 I guess she might be relieved? She says she loves the days she has with him but maybe it is too much.

Could you maybe suggest to your mum you will put him in nursery two days a week and she takes him one day that way she still gets to spend time with him but gets a break with only taking him one day. My parents take our lo twice a week and is in nursery one day I’m very fortunate my parents don’t look money off us so it’s cheaper for us to do it that way otherwise I’d have her in nursery two days as she would learn so much more being with the other kids more than one day but mum takes her to toddler classes on one of the days she has her to help her mix and play with others.

Won’t you just reduce your mums money to cover the day he goes to nursery? So you’re only paying her for 1 day instead of 2? Wouldn’t that be a win for everyone then?

I think that both of you are trying not to upset the other but actually you just need to sit down and discuss it. I guess that the first question is do nursery actually have space to take him for another day? And then you can discuss from there.