@Alison they have a good relationship. i have tried to explain to him that living with his kids would be completely different as you would see a different side to his son. He has had his on weekends for years now which and before he met me use to spoil them. But since we've been together and have a daughter of our own he's had to rein it. I think it's also hard for him because his daughter is autistic no verbal so he's never had to really deal with a grumpy teenage girl lol who's hormones are all over the place it's definitely not easy
https://www.change.org/p/implement-new-laws-recognizing-the-roles-and-rights-of-stepparents-in-blended-families?recruited_by_id=0313bb10-a113-11ef-9594-67e179342fde&utm_source=share_petition&utm_campaign=psf_combo_share_initial&utm_term=psf&utm_medium=sms
I don’t think it’s fair that your partner says all of those negative things about your daughter - does he generally have a good relationship with her and make allowances for the fact she’s an 11 year old girl who will naturally have a ‘bad attitude’ sometimes? Equally he shouldn’t be using ‘not wanting his son to come round’ as an excuse for rude behaviour! All the children should be treated the same, and your daughter (and any shared children if you have them) will pick up on the ‘special treatment’ and become resentful. No advice other than to try talking to your partner about how it’s unfair for the children to be treated differently and could cause rifts and bad relationships between them in the future. X