Am I asking for too much?

Hey girlies, Was looking for advise from an outside perspective or anyone in the same shoes Been with my boyfriend for four years and we have an amazing 8 month old boy He’s an incredible man, we can talk amazingly, families are amazing combined all is well however there is a huge lack of romance and him acting on my love languages which makes me constantly question if I’ll be happy in the long run.. So many times I’ve brought this up to him even explaining in every detail what my love languages are and how important romance is down to just having a meal made and a candle lit (bare minimum) he hears me, agreed but does nothing to work on it, constantly having to ask to help around the house and on his two days off he expects to be in our room all day for some (him time) and wants me to do the same on the following day meaning no time together, never plans any outings, never cooks unless I actually break down to him and he fixes that part for a few weeks I cook three times a day, look after our baby 90% of the time, all night awakens are on me, still manage to clean and etc while he works 12 hour shifts 4 days on 2 days off which is also so overwhelming but he only thinks about his tiredness and takes over one day a week when he’s not working so I have a small lay in but in his world he is doing his best We do love each other so much and are very affectionate but I don’t think it’s enough.. am I asking for too much?

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I don’t think it’s asking too much. 12 hour shifts are really long, has he expressed how much it could be effecting him? When my partner used to work that long, we always had issues because he was always tired, we had a newborn baby and I was just never able to have any sleep as my daughter never liked being put in her crib. It was overwhelming. Love wasn’t being exchanged there because of the circumstances. Has he considered changing jobs? Once my partner did, our relationship became more stable. Of course it might not be the same and it could just be a him problem, but my partner was always too tired to do housework at all. Most he would do is feed and change baby like once a day. He has two days off but are 12 hours a day just too much for him even still? My partner now has the weekends off and way shorter shifts, but money is consistent and so are hours. He’s thinking about going back to the same profession because he’s bored, I support him but I dread the difference it’ll make

@Dionne hey, he doesn’t express that he’s super tired he’s a lorry driver so isn’t too physical and says he loves a challenge, even when he has time off he never makes romance a priority or making me happy in a way that requires effort from him..

Especially when I’m back to work. I think we will just not see each other. But it’s something we are trying to work out as he is looking for jobs that don’t make him stay ridiculously late. Coming home at 3-4am just wasn’t working. So yeah I’d say the job could be the problem. It’s worth a discussion. But if it’s not possible then is there a day or few days he can book off and you guys can go off somewhere together. With baby or without, bonding time is essential and not just with baby but for each other

I think people can only give the maximum for them… for some it’s enough & for some it’s not. We all deserve to be loved in the ways we need & want, and that’s never asking for too much. For some people it is just literally the case that they can’t match up to it. And that is fine. For another woman the way he loves would be more than enough. A conversation about how you feel & what you need should be enough for someone to think ‘ok well I want to make her feel like she’s loved so let me make an effort’ if it hasn’t happened then it’s not going to. We’re not responsible for others actions. Only for what we tolerate. I’ve always said that a man doesn’t have to give us everything we need, but a man that tries to is everything

@Amelia 100%! A trying man is all I ever asked from him but to not see any improvement regarding the matters that are important to me really does make me feel constant sadness, if I was to match him we’d very quilt turn to just flatmates which I’m terrified of So genuinely don’t know what how else to communicate to him or just have the break up conversation 😩

For me personally, after I’ve had a conversation with you about how I feel and my expectations, I don’t give another chance. Especially when I know I’m bringing so much to the table, just like you doing all that you’re doing. So I would be having the conversation that I let you know how I feel, and you basically threw it back in my face and let me know how little I mean to you so now it’s time for me to walk away

@Amelia I was always like this also, I think I do need to get back to it and refund my self worth 🤦🏼‍♀️

You have communicated multiple times and he’s not respecting you. You already said yourself that if you stopped, you’d be flatmates. That sounds like you’re putting in all the effort.

The old me wouldn’t get this but now that I have a partner who does prioritize quality time, dates, just because gifts, it is really nice to have. I don’t think you’re asking too much. When I moved in with my partner he made a commitment (unprompted because I’m actually not that girl, DV/trauma had the bar in HELL) that just because we lived together didn’t mean he would stop dating me. He made good on that promise and at least every other week we get cute and go out to dinner or a night out. He’ll just buy me little things he knows I’ll love, new candles will be there lit when I get off a long day of like now when I travel for work. No idea how to make someone see the light and act like this though because I myself never even had or expected it before. It sounds like you already tried explaining it?! That’s rough. I’d also question if you can be happy that way long term 🤔

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