Would you be annoyed? (A bit long, baby getting injured)

So my ex came to visit our son today. He has a mini climbing frame that I got him a few months ago and he has been playing with it ever since I put it up! I have noticed I can leave my son unattended for short periods while I do small errands and nothing major has happened. I go to start dinner and in no time he falls off part of the climbing frame at the front and hits his head on the mini wooden coffee table! Again she shot up from the sofa and ran to pick him up, where he was just like “oh he fell” when I check him after taking him from her, he has a little bruised dent in his head! I’m asking.. did he hit his head on the table? Then she is like “oh yeah I think he hit his head! And he dropped his biscuit too!” Annoyed how can this happen again but you know what.. okay I accept this was a mistake. A few hrs later I’m sitting on the sofa next to her and my son is semi sliding down her legs.. he turns to face outwards and instead of her holding on to him because nothing is keeping him stable to stop him falling, she just leaves him too it. Suddenly he falls down her legs and smashed his head/eyebrow into the edge of the climbing frame! Now I’m furious! Why tf did you not hold onto him, you would never let a toddler roll down your leg like that without even being there to catch/hold on to or spot them! She immoderately ran out and grabbed the first thing from the freezer and brought it out asking for a cloth to wrap it! I told her I didn’t have no cloth and she proceeds to bring a frozen bag of peas out! I tell her you can’t put something like that directly on his skin and she takes it back out! Now he has a line going down his eyebrow and a lump on it, all because she was being careless yet again! I held onto him from that point but now I’m just really annoyed! Now the other week, she was sitting on the sofa while I went and got dinner ready, she was meant to be watching our son. My son has a bus shaped walker and he is in that climbing stage so he tried climbing it. I’m always there to make sure I get him off it, I never sit back and watch an accident about to happen. While I’m cooking I hear a thud and my son Screaming! I see her dart up off the sofa and go and pick him up off the floor! I ask what happened and she said he was climbing the walker and it toppled over and he fell! I asked if he smashed his face in the ground or something and she said she guess he did, it all happened so quick and anyway he had been doing it for a while and was fine! I took him off her straight away as she never even bothered look at him, just shushing him! I took him to the bedroom where there was better light and he busted his lip with blood coming out him mouth! Now I was beyond pissed but I stayed calm and calmed my son and gave him some boob but held onto him! I asked if she wasn’t watching him because I don’t understand how she could allow this to happen… she claimed she was but it just happened so quick! Now I’m sorry but from the moment you see them doing something unsafe you stop them! You don’t let them continue because “he has been doing it a while and was fine!” Like tf! How is it possible he has been with me all this time, with all these items in the house and heck like I said, I can leave him unattended for short periods with his stuff and there has been no serious accidents like this?! It feels like she comes and he is non stop getting hurt! I can understand that sometimes things are going to happen, but they NEVER seem to happen under my watch! When she visits him she has only one job to do, that’s to watch him! How tf is he having these accidents if you’re actually keeping an eye on him as you claim to be? I’m sorry I’m just really mad! I have had to give him some nurofen before putting him to bed because today he has a lump on the right temple and a lump and red line on the left eye! I want to say don’t come back! But I know I’d just be over reacting but now I don’t feel it’s safe to allow her to “watch” him even while I’m in the next room!

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What is she doing when she’s there? Is she on her phone? Toddlers have accidents but there seems to be a pattern. If she doesn’t know your toddler’s limits then surely she should be MORE cautious and not less attentive. I’d definitely raise it (I’d actually have gone mental but I know things aren’t always that easy).

@Bee you know what, it took every fibre in my body to remain calm but the thing is my son is already attached to me, only sees her 3x a week and still wants to be on me and not her so I try not to make it any worse but I’m honestly starting to get really annoyed now! Like you said, if she doesn’t know him and his limits, keep your eyes open! She doesn’t bring her phone into the actual house, she leaves in in her jacket on the coat wrack however my son usually plays while there are cartoons on in the background and I’m sure she is there watching that or just daydreaming! What annoys me the most is that she will oftentimes actively be watching him do dangerous stuff and still allows him which is how when he busted his lip she thought it was fine to say he had been climbing it a while and been fine! I’m sorry but what are you doing? Just waiting for it to suddenly not be fine!? I think she looks at the way I’m parenting him and thinks she can do the same…

For example I will give him the freedom of movement to climb his climbing frame, after all I bought it for him for that purpose, however I will be intently watching him, the moment he looks like he will take a wrong step I’m on that! I try not to helicopter and let him learn him own boundaries but if I can see something about to go wrong, I will be right there, already half jumping into action! At one point I thought maybe my toddler takes more risks when she is around but no, he doesn’t change… I just drop my guard because I think she would be able to do her job surely! And instead she will sit and watch him about to make the wrong move and her reaction time is too slow to stop accidents which is why I don’t know why she would even allow it in the first place! He knows I will give him the freedom to safely navigate his surroundings and be there to rescue him, I think she assumes she can do the same and she can’t and he ALWAYS gets hurt!

Might sound like a really silly option but in out house I have a baby camera in our lounge so I need the loo or something I can still see what she's doing. Don't know if this could be an option for you? Ours is always on and can be watched back on the phone. If this could be an option you'd be able to see what she's doing well watching your son?

@Kateland yeah I don’t need a camera though, the kitchen is the room next to the living room and I put the furniture in a way that if I pop my head in the doorway or walk past, I can see my son at all times. My sofa is on the wall behind the kitchen and also behind the door and the crack of the door where the hinges are is where the sofa is, so I can see her though that crack every time I walk past or just actively looking and she doesn’t see me. The sofa also faces the TV and his climbing frame is in between both with his play area everywhere else that’s free. She ALWAYS sits on the couch and since it’s facing the TV she just blankly stares at it.thats how I see her dart up to my son when he starts crying because I have already reacted faster than her and I’m in another room! She literally sits there and does nothing when he is playing, occasionally say a few words to him and if he isn’t playing she is holding him rocking etc. (he never has accidents if he is being held.

What the hell! That's half asked parenting 😤 I know my husband doesn't do much with my daughter as he's always working but the odd occasion he is home and I ask him to look after her for 5 minutes he will be there constantly as he doesn't know what she can/can't do. So for someone who comes into YOUR home to watch THEIR child and just sit watching your TV!!!! I'd be fuming. I don't see how hard it is to just closely watch when your in the room with said child. If you have no accidents like this when your alone with your child then how is your child getting so hurt with her? That in its self just baffles me.

@Kateland honestly, this is the reason I broke up with her last year, and my son hadn’t even gotten to this point yet! I had to ask her over and over and over again to help support me with him, time after time she gave a new excuse. I was stressed, tired and feeling totally let down and unsupported! I’d ask her to hold him in the morning so I could go toilet and she’d instantly hand him right back the moment I have sat down and would roll over and go back to sleep (even though I had him all night too) her life literally didn’t change a bit by having a child! Just mine! We were meant to have a 2nd together and I told her I’m doing it alone!

@Kateland I even said this to her yesterday how I don’t trust her, I ask her to watch him for a short period and he manages to get up to so much that can get him hurt! But even leaving him unattended he doesn’t get injured! Like I said before, I think she feels because I allow him to just get on with things, that when she sees him doing dangerous stuff, she has a total lack of understanding of what is and is not going to be a risk/danger to him and what I don’t allow him to do so she just watches him get on with it! Like with the walker and him busting his lip.. I don’t allow him to climb his walker because I know it’s unbalanced and he will climb in a way to cause it to tip over, so I don’t even allow him to put a foot on it! She will see him climbing it and not stop him, I will even hear her say “baby you’re going to fall!” But she just sits back and watches! This really infuriates me because then when he does fall and hurt himself, she wants to pick him up and comfort him!

No, give me my child and leave us be! He wouldn’t be injured if it wasn’t for you! She totally passes the blame by saying HE climbed the walker, HE slipped on the frame… HIM! HIM! HIM! Never HER! He is a toddler, he is going to push his boundaries but it’s YOUR job as a parent to either stop him or make sure he doesn’t get injured

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