Boundaries/MIL

I’ve mentioned all the way through my pregnancy to mine and my partner’s family about what rules and boundaries we are going to have for our little boy. I’m being induced next so we’ve been mentioning these more. They’re pretty basic rules: - No kissing the baby - No visiting/holding the baby if your ill - No posting his name, face or birthday on social media - No visiting him if he’s in the NICU to minimise germs/illness I have offered explanations for all of these to anyone that asks. My mum isn’t sure on the no kissing rule but she knows I wont budge on it so while she complains I know she will follow it. My mother in law however told me “she was an exception to the rules” whenever she’s told about them. She claims she doesn’t count because my partner’s Auntie had rules for everyone but her mum and that I can’t decide what she does with “her baby”. I have no idea what to do or how to get through to her that she isn’t an exception to the rules. My relationship with her is very strained anyway and I know she will never take what I say seriously.

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I would give consequences if she doesn't respect your boundaries. If not she will push them again and again. You don't want to not kiss my baby, then you don't get to hold my baby.

Weather is getting awful with RSV in rise, she shouldn’t be so entitled! Just don’t allow her, talk to your partner! She’s just being plane disrespectful, protect your upcoming baby anyhow. Don’t give damn about such ppl, your baby’s immune systems are not to be compromised please. I hope you hv successful delivery

I honestly hate people like this. Those rules are in place to protect your baby. You’re not doing it to be an arsehole. I’d just tell her straight, if you can’t respect my rules then you’re not seeing my baby. Simple!

I would make my partner insist that she is not an exception. Every time she says that she is, I would simply reply that anyone who doesn't agree with these rules will not be allowed to see the baby until the baby has had all of their vaccines. Your relationship is strained already; there is no point trying to be nice now.

It’s your partners mother so he should be responsible for explaining this to her if she’s being difficult. He also needs to make the consequences very clear. My father in law came to visit our newborn the other day and as much as we have a fantastic relationship, he can be quite stubborn and I’m very placid. I felt awkward letting him know the rules so I told my husband that it was his job to explain them to his side of the family and I have explained them to all of mine. It’s worked really well as I think sometimes our in laws can see us as ‘the hysterical mother’ with ‘silly rules’ (which is ridiculous) but I think it hits different when it’s your own family setting boundaries. I’m also a strong believer in forcing people to answer uncomfortable questions. for example; if shes not taking your husband seriously when he explains the rules to her, "Do you think that your right to kiss your grandchild is worth risking their life?" Do not let it go go until she answers the question.

If she doesn’t follow your rules then she doesnt see baby - simple! This also includes if you don’t trust her to follow the rules if you’re not around…

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