I don’t know how to feel

I asked my husband if he would allow me to remarry if he left this earth before I did. He very quickly replied “yes, my life insurance would go straight to the kids only anyway”. I didn’t say anything after that. I felt like he had just poured a bucket full of ice on me. I felt like a) he doesn’t know who I really am. I never cared about money and b) does he even love me? I just thought that once you get married it’s true love and you wouldn’t want your spouse to be left with anything especially knowing that I’m a sahm. I just feel like I should start making my own money someway, somehow. Just in case something should happen to us. I just feel sad and heartbroken. I don’t care about the money but about that fact that he wouldn’t care about me or just the fact that he thinks that I only care about money. I hope I’m just overreacting.

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Wow! That’s so hurtful! To do and say and especially because he made that decision with out you. I’m sorry. I would talk to him about this honestly. The life insurance should be discussed by the both of you

Do you have a mortgage? Do you have wills? Practically if you have a mortgage his policy should be set up so you can pay it off & your family can keep a roof over your heads. But I see where your husband’s coming from in a way. If he died left you everything if you remarried then your new husband would then be entitled to half of all that meaning your kids would lose out. I’ve seen it happen where the stepmum/ stepdad ends up taking the kids inheritance. Of course you shouldn’t be left with nothing, you’ve contributed to the family by being a sahm which has allowed him to focus on his career. He could look at getting some earnings insurance or upping his life cover so there is enough for mortgage, kids & you to have chance to get on your feet. Also think about pension entitlement etc. You need to have an honest conversation and get some advice. It doesn’t sound very romantic but marriage is a legal contract so sometimes you have to take the emotion out & get practical.

Being a sahm can leave you more vulnerable so you need to have a clear plan and agreement in place of what would happen. And for if you ever got divorced. (Where there would be no life insurance so financially a different story). This is a good reason to try to develop your skills outside the home as a fallback plan. None of this means he doesn’t love you, maybe he just hasn’t thought through the practicalities, it sounds like neither of you have fully. It’s actually positive that this conversation has happened so you can address it and agree on a plan that you’re both happy with. Hopefully you’ll never need it but it’s there if you ever did.

From my experience, men don’t always realize what and how they’re saying things. I would have an open discussion with him about how that comment made you feel and see his reaction to it

Even if he doesn’t have you listed on the policy. Part of it would go to you first then the kids. His response to the question though 🥴

That’s weird and I would start applying for remote jobs over night jobs whatever cause a he has one time to make me feel like he would let me drown and I’m going to start building my own boat lol I don’t even play like that

I know it may be hurtful, I personally feel that’s a valid response. My sons dad and I had this discussion & we’re both leaving everything to our kids. & would like each other to move on and be happy. As much as i can love the person it isn’t my responsibility to continue to provide and care for him while I’m already gone. If I were you, I would start finding ways to earn money and have financial plan for back up. My aunt was SAHM, & sometimes worked jobs here and there. She saved all the money she earned & when her husband left, she had $20k to fall back on. It’s not much but it was a good start for her.

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