Motherhood Lost (Vent)

As a first-time mother, I expected motherhood to be magical and beautiful. However, my experience took a turn when my BD filed for custody a year later, suddenly deciding he wanted to be a "dad." Now that the court proceedings are over, I feel empty, as if my sense of motherhood has been taken away. Every time I give my child away, a piece of me goes with them, and when they return, I feel my child comes back more significantly than before. I feel like I’m missing out on everything and can do nothing. BD isn't ready to be a dad, but his family is in his head and does everything for him. Ugh, I’m so frustrated. I don't know what to do. I want to scream, cry, and rant. All I have ever wanted was to be a mother, and all he ever wanted was for me to get an abortion. I like this all to be a bad dream, for me to wake up and just be me and my baby cuddling, happy, healthy, and safe.