Rant I guess

My SS10 (almost 11) decided not to visit anymore from a month before his brother was born, he’s now almost 20 months old. Told dad he wouldn’t see him as long as me, baby brother and his stepbrother were in dads lives Dad is distraught not seeing his son and son will only “allow” presents or money to be dropped off at his house His mum has also made clear dad can’t see him until stepsons “demands” are met

@Sita it's infuriating isn't it!! At the start of all this, I wanted a reason and it was literally because me and her dad said no phones in the bedroom and that she wasn't allowed social media (she was 9!) and that she just 'didnt like me anymore'. It's difficult as because her mum allowed her to dictate and is the resident parent, my husbands hands were pretty tied! He either saw her alone or not at all. Now both her and her mum are trying to dictate who she can see and who she can't, not seeming to realise that's my daughter too!! It's crazy

I know times have changed and I was brought up by both parents however I was never ever allowed to make my own decisions about where I went or who I saw until I was well into my teenage years. I would have been told 'no' and that would be that. Some kids these days absolutely rule their parents yet they're not mature enough to deal with the consequences of not seeing your family for 2 years will be!

I think dad should go alone and not take 3yo daughter. It's not fair to her to have her siblings dip and put of her life. BM sounds like a nightmare for even allowing this!

I think Dad should be seeing SD seperately and then your family remains your family unit. SD and BM don’t get to exclude you from the family. BM sounds like an arsehole. Leave them to it and don’t let it worry you. X

@Kerry well on Boxing Day we are going to a family party so he suggested she come too and just offer it so she knows she is always invited so it will be all of us but he did give her the option of Monday or Xmas Eve just him but then this all blew up! He has always said anytime you want to see us etc the door is open but also theres an option to not etc and its been fine but BM has decided she's bored of things going okay I think. She has a real habit of trying to split me and my husband up by using her daughter as a weapon but she is now causing her daughter to be just like her and now she is 12 she has learnt how to use dad's emotions 🤦🏼‍♀️ I hope he just sees her Monday and tells her nothing we do is to upset her and it's only ever been about what she wants but that she musn't bring others into it because as you say, you can't choose a sibling and leave me and my Son out (he was just 7 when she decided not to see us again and they were like weekend besties)

Her mum may use her as a weapon but I don't use my children in this way and I won't allow it. I honestly don't care that she's my partner's daughter too in this situation because her welfare is my responsibility and I just won't have it. I also don't want to cause any dispute between us two just like BM wants but we're in a tricky position. I feel like we have to get the brunt of my husband's upset and frustration due to a child dictating his life and playing him and I just want to scream about it!!

@Samantha exactly this. Although my husband hates the divide, it has worked enough to keep everyone okay in that he gets to see his daughter but we also get our family unit. It isn't what he wants, although that lies with his daughter and not with me. BM is incredibly difficult. She has disliked me from the off and has called me an 'interfering little cunt' 4yrs ago when I messaged her to ask if she would allow SD to have a pet in her house as I wanted to get her a hamster but obvs I wasn't going to get her hopes up if it wasn't agreed etc she said thats her daughter and I was to buy her nothing as I was just 'dads girlfriend' nothing to her

I personally wouldn’t let my little one go without me we’re a family and it’s not fair for little one to be used like that Oh i understand! I was the mean one that limits PlayStation time and said no to social media

@Sita you're right Sita, I'm glad I'm not alone in this. I've told my husband he is not to take our 3yr old without us as a family and he has thankfully told BM this too. It has still created an atmosphere in the house tonight and I'm left feeling like the bad guy. I genuinely have done nothing wrong in this whole drama except properly parent SD. My Son is now 9 and won't be getting a phone until he is walking to school independently at 12, and that's not taking into account social medias intended for adults! I am happy to be the bad guy about that, but not for my daughter to be used and us excluded for silly games x

We sound like we have the same ideas! BM gave SS an iPhone at age 5 I’ve always said said it’s not even coming into our home, kids don’t need phones until they are walking to school alone (I’ve told my own son 12 as well!)

Oh I can imagine how infuriating this must be!! As others have said I’d be keeping LO with me, they can’t exclude you like that - glad he has told BM where to shove it! 🤣 x

Wow sounds exactly the same as our situation! Mum sounds like the problem too. I think its important not to let the step child make the rules and have everything on their terms. They are not the adult. But we are in the exact same position! SD hasn't seen her dad for months but wanted to speak to my son as it was his birthday after not seeing or speaking to him for months and I wasn't happy about it at all. She can't drop them and try to pick up their relationship on her terms

@Rebecca yes it definitely has stemmed from her mum. It is very sad as I met SD when she was just 6 and a very sweet little girl who would want me to read to her and would tell me I was pretty and ask me to do her nails etc and her mum would stamp all over it and take her nail varnish off and tell SD that I wasn't mum etc. still, SD would continue to love being with us etc and brush it off but few years passed and she definitely started listening to her mum and would follow her dad everywhere here and not talk to me much and then stopped coming. Her sister was 1 when that happened and is now walking, talking etc and she doesn't know her sister only by photos and now SD and BM think they can demand she sees just her and not me or my Son after all this time. Funny how everything is all about SD and what might upset her or not what she wants, but they want my 3yr old dragged into a game like a toy and then dropped again. I'm not willing to have my 3yr old taken on a whim when I'm (cont.)

Not allowed to be there, just as it's a want of a 12yr old child.

Completely agree. I'll be doing the same - not allowing her to dictate when and if she wants a relationship with her siblings. She barely speaks to her dad but she's not playing games with my kids. I think we need to set boundaries. I've been in my SD life since she was 1 and now she doesn't want to see her dad anymore🤷‍♀️ we used to get angry and upset about it but now we think there is nothing we can do. We're not playing her silly games.