Feeling really overwhelmed.

Hi all, just looking for opinions really… I’m 2 weeks PP recovering from a traumatic labour that led to an emergency C section. I’m feeling really down every day, my partner is very emotionally unavailable and is not supportive in the slightest. I am struggling day to day having to constantly tend to the needs of my 2 week old little boy, I have to do all the housework, washing, cleaning, cleaning babies bottles, sterilising all equipment, making up feeds, doing days and nights and surviving on maybe 2 hours of broken sleep per night. Partner holds baby and changes his nappy here and there but doesn’t do any of the gruelling jobs. Not to mention I am supporting the 3 of us financially. I have told my partner I don’t feel like he is supportive but he just shuts me down every time I mention it and questions why I think he’s not supporting me. I have tried to explain but it’s proving impossible. I am crying every day and I’m starting to resent him and want to ask him to leave but I’m worried things will be even harder for me. He does not show me he loves me, he acts as though he hates me and he keeps telling me that I just need to look after our son. I feel lost and I am not sure what to do or how to approach this. I feel so alone :(

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I am not gonna lie it’s hard and I didn’t have a traumatic labor but my advice is to embrace this time when they are so little. As hard as it is it goes by so fast. My LO is 8 months and just started sleeping through the night the past week. I was so sleep deprived but I embraced all the cuddles with my LO.

I am currently 5 weeks pp from an emergency C-section as I developed Hellp Syndrome and deteriorated fast… have they offered you a debrief appointment to go over the trauma of what happened and provide some closure? If not I think that could be really helpful for you and I would be asking for one? On the partner front I’m sorry you feel unsupported both emotionally and physically … my partner was great during paternity leave but inevitably when he went back to work everything changed and I now do all the night feeds, washing, cooking dishes etc. It is hard initially especially when they seem to go back to a normal life going work, gym, pub etc but you find a routine that works for you and it does get easier 🤗 I think more conversations about how he could support and understand you may be helpful ie could you do the dishes tonight.. but ultimately showing affection is basic and you deserve that at the very least especially when you’ve just had his child.

If you’re the one financially providing and taking care of the home, what does he do exactly? I would suggest to allocate some your workload to him and go from there, if he doesn’t help out then if you decide to leave, you will just now have to care for you and your child…

You should be resting and he should be taking care of you 😶 does he not work?

So what you're going through, I fully understand why you're feeling down, and gout partner really needs to help out more, because you're fragile right now. What I will say is, around 2 weeks pp baby blues kicked in for me, which made everything worse (not saying what is happening isn't worth you being upset, because it REALLY is!) Do you have anyone around you, family? Friends? That could potentially come over and just sit with you even. Ideally they will watch bubba whilst you sleep ngl.

This sounds like you're in a really tough place. Birth and the aftermath are already so difficult nevermind adding in trauma. I suggest you check out postpartum support international. There are many free resources, group therapies, and some really good people you can talk to during this really hard time. Do you have anyone who can come stay with you for a little bit? As for your boyfriend, all you can do is explain to him you need support to heal. I'm not sure kicking him out will be the best as it might be too much right now. I hope things get better. You can message me anytime.

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