I need help/ Vent/ advice/ encouragement

My BD is going through a really hard time since his mom passed right before Thanksgiving. They had a lot of unresolved trauma and a difficult relationship, so it’s hitting him in a heavy way. But he’s been lashing out at me, saying really hurtful and disrespectful things. This isn’t the first time he’s acted this way when things go wrong in his life—it feels like a cycle. He won’t get help, and I feel like I can’t help him if he won’t try for himself. At the same time, I’m taking care of our baby pretty much alone. He’s not present, doesn’t help, and ignores us most of the time. He sleeps all day and doesn’t want to do anything with us. I feel abandoned, and it’s exhausting. I’ve been visiting my mom for a couple of days during the week every week since she passed. when she’s off work because it’s the only time I get help with the baby. But I feel guilty leaving him right before the holidays, even though I know I need the support. ( my mom would visit us weekly, she stopped coming over because she wanted to respect his space to grieve, and BD ask me to tell her not to coming) I’m so hurt and tired of this. I feel like the idea of a happy family I had is broken. Am I wrong for wanting to leave? During this time? I leave to my moms because being around someone who’s a dark cloud makes me feel down and I’m the only thing my baby has I need to be good to take care of my baby? Am I wrong. This is him texting me this is the first time he’s lashing out on me since the passing of his mom.

Show your support

dang.. that’s rough. you’re quite clearly trying to support him through this tough time of his, yet he’s not really letting you. it’s difficult being there for someone when they’re being that disrespectful towards you, because you remember the past love you’ve had for that person. i truly hope for your sake, he snaps out of it. however, if i were you.. i’d go to your moms house and think things over and maybe take a little break from him. he definitely needs space. you tried being respectful considering the holidays and whatnot, and he didn’t give two shits about you or your son 🤷🏻‍♀️ i dunno. again, i do truly wish you the best of luck ❤️

Do not let him treat you this way. His grief and trauma is no excuse to be a huge pile of shit. You deserve so much better. Leave him, seek custody and child support. Tell him you have supported him and been there for him, and you will not tolerate his abuse. Then only contact him in regards to your son. My heart breaks that he is going through the trauma of losing his mum but he is a huge dickhead. I hope you find peace OP. Merry Christmas ❤️

I totally get where you are coming from and it's hard to deal with as its alot of pressure on you! I'm not excusing the way he is talking to you... But you always push the person you love the most away as he clearly feels low about himself if you've never said them sort of things to him, but also put yourself in his shoes, close or not if you lost your mum and you had him saying to you 'you need to carry on and deal with it' when inside you feel hurt and depressed and that would you not think that he is being insensitive and a dick? Maybe that's how he is feeling... He is clearly depressed and maybe even suicidal. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped unfortunately... Maybe you just need to ignore what he is saying however hurtful it is, go stay with family with your child if you can and just simply tell him that you are sorry he is feeling so down and you understand he needs time to himself and you will do as he wishes and move out to give him space and simply tell him

Wtaf, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Yes I understand he’s going through a hard time but to talk to you that horribly and about your child and say he doesn’t care??? That’s so so messed up. I completely understand you wanting to be away from him and having your mum to help right now if he’s going to be talking to you this awful. Definitely leave this man. Leave and don’t look back. Look after your baby and I know you are, you seem like an amazing mum. Maybe move back in with your mum and then try and get a part time job or something, save up and get your own place eventually? You’ll meet someone else when the time is right. Good things will happen to you and your baby, wishing you all the best xxxxx

If you do need someone to talk to i am here for you, so you ain't alone so reach out whenever you need I won't pressure you or harass you and we can come to arrangement for our child when you are ready... That way you are just plain and simply being supportive and respecting his wishes but not adding fuel to the fire, it's not ideal but his feelings are valid as much as yours but I honestly think he is in a very dark place and doesn't see no light... And someone who suffers with depression you cannot help it and having someone tell you to 'deal with it' in any sort of sense doesn't help as you don't want to be that way but can't see a way out... He just needs to know he has support but he needs to seek the help himself unfortunately

If a man tells me to leave, Im gone next day.

That would sign the end of the relationship with no way back ever. You deserve someone who treats you right.

Big big red flags 🚩 I’d say please leave for your mental health

Wow this actually made me feel sick how he talks to you ?! I know you tried to support him but you are one person and looking after baby and him shouldn’t be the case mostly that he clearly doesn’t want it. You and your baby are priority and for the time being I think you definitely should leave. Let him actually feel how it is to be alone and not have you to care about him so much. Hope you’ll be okay x

I have left to my moms and I will be staying here I’m just trying to get my peace back and be ok and present for my happy baby boy. It’s just hurts me so deep that he’s pushed me away so far that our relationship has come to an end. My baby is 6 months and I know there’s a lot of single mothers out there doing it. I guess that has always been a huge fear of mine and it’s actually happening. I’m also scared that he won’t see our son at all for months… he won’t help me with child support at all because he runs a cash business. And if he’s treating like this no way in hell he’s gonna offer me money.

The vibe i get from this is he wants to break up for another reason (thats not known to you yet) and he’s not being honest about it. So he tries to blame you and say its because you’re doing this as an excuse to break up with you. So it doesnt make him look like the asshole when he’s breaking up with you with a new baby. He probably cant handle being a parent and wants to leave but doesnt want to admit it so hes playing mind games on you. Im sorry you’re going through this, i think you did the right thing by going to your mom’s and taking care of your baby. My ex is the same way, he pretends to care about me and my son but he never did anything for us and hid a lot of things from me. Then when i get mad about it, he says im this and that and threatens me with court. He just got served court papers for child support and texted me to say he’s upset about it and hes gonna make it hard for me. I blocked him because hes annoying lol like thats literally all he does is threaten me

Well…. He can’t just kick you out depending on the state you live in…. He seems like he is going through stuff… I think you prob need to file for child support and custody. :/ he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you which is why he is being so mean..

Idk it just sucks the situation you are in. I’m in similar ish … but I’m married 😢

@Julie it’s hard… we can chat about it if you need someone to talk to

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