struggling with others around my baby/children?!

hey mamas, so i’d like to know if anyone has gone through this or something similar and what they did to work through it, because i feel like it’s making me crazy at this point. i have a 3 month old baby and two toddlers (1&2) and i come from quite a large family, however as we live quite far out we rarely see them, but im still in contact. i’m happy with this due to personal reasons. i would like my children to see my family this holiday for a few hours and we’ve arranged a day, but i’ve been avoiding it so long because i am literally PETRIFIED of someone passing my baby / toddlers something. i am so scared that they’re going to fall sick, because someone might have a bug or something that they don’t even realise. im going to message my family group chat ahead of time to remind them not to kiss my children and briefly list reasons so they’re fully aware, but this doesn’t put my mind at ease. i dont even like the thought of my taking my baby to soft play because im so scared hes going to pick something up, and i get so paranoid about people touching him. for example, i dont feel comfortable with my partner even taking him to the local church because i dont want anyone touching him and possibly making him sick. this is making me feel insane, because my children deserve to openly socialise and know family that we are blessed to have. i feel like i just want to keep my son protected in our home all the time and that’s just not right (i do take him out but he’s in the pram) maybe ill just feel more better about it once i go there and spend that time there? but if one of them fall sick i think ill actually never be able to take them again, its ridiculous right? 😭
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also my aunt has a 4 year old that goes to primary school and is CONSTANTLY making her 1 year old sister sick even though she doesn’t seem sick herself, her sister has a compromised immune system and this freakin scares me for my 3 month old because surely his immune system is no match??!

I do understand how you feel because I was like this when my daughter was younger but she’s had two colds and a sickness bug now from mixing with other children. I’ve seen she is stronger than I believed her to be. It makes sense to make sure that people are feeling okay before being around your children. I do agree that you shouldn’t willingly mix with sick people. However, it seems like you could be suffering with anxiety but I am not a doctor. You realise yourself you are standing in the way of experiences that your children will enjoy because of your own anxieties. Push yourself, do what makes you uncomfortable, you’ll see its ok. You cant worry about what might happen all the time I do understand you xx

You’re not alone! Your precious baby is only three months old. Your feelings are totally valid. I found that baby wearing helps people not touch baby at all; which can be helpful at church. As for family, what you’re doing sounds great! Let them know your feelings well ahead of time and they should respect it. If not; they can wait to see baby until they’re older. All the best!

Can you go see family at Easter instead? The risk of RSV is lowered by then and your baby will be a little older. There’s a few options but not always the most practical. People could wear masks, or you could ask them to test beforehand using an RSV/flu/covid kit but these are around £12 each! I’m the same as my baby did catch RSV as a newborn. She’s had Covid too. Once she’s at nursery it will be constant, but I am currently very careful. Our health visitor said the sooner children catch things, the better it is for their immune system (I was worried about HF&M). However, for a 3 month old I’d want to avoid things for a while personally.

@Becky thank you so much for the reassurance becky, i’ve had anxiety since way before i even fell pregnant with my first, and it’s only elevated i feel since having children! i am looking into therapy as i believe this will overall benefit me in every way. i hope i feel better once i just get it over and done with! ❤️

@Jess thank you so so much mama for your reassurance, it means a lot and makes me feel less crazy. the baby wearing tip is such a good idea! i will definitely set my boundaries clearly via text message to make sure everyone gets the memo and are able to remind themselves. i will defo speak up if i notice anything! ❤️

@Bee thank you so much for your advice mama, i think it’s just better for me to get it over and done with now because my daughters birthday is next month and she really wants to celebrate it with my family, and i don’t want to rob her of the experience of a lovely birthday party (my mum is great at these). do you mind me asking how your little caught rsv as a newborn? when was this? like which season? x

@anisha ♡ no worries! My baby was born early and when discharged she was struggling with her new formula so we took her to the Gp for constipation and colic. We both then got sick and ended up in hospital for 6 days- not all babies end up in hospital, it’s usually more vulnerable children with other underlying health issues. This was last November. The worst thing we have ever experienced but she then caught a cold around April when she was 4 months old and batted it away much better. RSV season is considered October to March, which is a long time. We didn’t have guests for a few months except 2 of my family members who masked around her. When we went out, we masked also. We stopped masking this winter. My husband got Covid from work in September so we all got sick from that. It was not as bad as the RSV though thankfully. I don’t go to stay and plays. I also always check with friends about any sickness before we meet up. They always cancel if they’re sick.

I feel exactly like this and my child isn’t even born yet, do what feels right hun, at the end of the day that’s your baby that you carried and birthed.

@anisha ♡ you are not crazy for feeling the way you do!! Its so natural to want to protect your babies. Its horrible for you to live life in fear of what could happen😢 I hope you are okay!!

This is so normal especially when they're so young! I'm still iffy with people holding my baby and she's 14 months. I still refuse to see anyone who has a cough or cold or anything because I hate seeing my daughter sick, even if it's only a minor illness. Our job is to protect them and that's all you're doing! This time of year is so hard too because there's always something going around. I don't take my daughter to any baby groups or sessions during colder months because I'm terrified she'll get sick. What you're feeling is so normal and you sound like you're doing an amazing job at advocating for your baby

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