Should I give up gym because of my partner

He’s so controlling my god

Can you ask him point blank why he is allowed to go to the gym but you can’t? What about his priorities? This isn’t right

He sounds controlling or jealous or both tbh, i would just ignore his comments and keep going to the gym. As long as your safety isn’t at risk

I’d ignore him. He can’t be serious. That math doesn’t add up. He can “your priorities aren’t wrong” all he wants. GO TO THE GYM WHENEVER YOU WANT.

You’ve asked this exact question before and got the exact same answers: this man is a controlling asshole and what he’s doing to you is abusive. You have two options: you can continue to live under his thumb forever or you can leave. Coming back here seeking validation for your feelings might make you feel a little better for a short time but it doesn’t actually solve anything. You need to take charge of your life and fuck him right off. Imagine he’s a massive weight and you finally get to drop his heavy ass. 💪🏋 https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/coercive-control/

Also, he’s not going to the spa.

This is wild! I would sign up to the gym near your work and go on your lunch breaks if that’s what you want to do, he can’t say you don’t have your priorities right then either as it’s your lunch break! This shouldn’t even be a question! I get you have to ask partners when it affects who would be looking after the kids at a certain points etc. but otherwise wtf. Sounds like he’s massively insecure and controlling!

WHATS HIS GODDAM PROBLEM?! He sounds hella annoying. You’ve done what you’ve needed to do at home, so you’re allowed and deserve to go have some time to yourself whatever that means. Y’know what if it’s the men around he’s concerned about I would just tell him you’re going Zumba twice a week 💁🏻‍♀️ or a similar fitness class- HIIT or spin class. and either go to that class or use that excuse to go gym. Tell him all the people in that class are women (if thats his actual problem 🙄) Show him the goddam timetable. That way you’re both aware of when you’re going, no ifs or buts about it- you’ve “enrolled” and it’s at this time this day every week (or twice a week) and it’s on, so you have to go 💁🏻‍♀️ I used to do Pilates Mondays and Zumba Thursdays (he has bowling league Wednesdays) for years, and now I do paid salsa lessons on Monday and a free salsa social on Fridays. I have my set days- he knows that, my sisters know that, and my close friends know that not to invite me out on a Friday.

He is so controlling and insecure :/ go to the gym. Im sorry but he’s a piece of shit

If your priorities are wrong then why on Earth is he going to the gym? And if he wants a traditional wife you shouldn’t be working. What is his reason for you not going to the one near work? I also remember a post similar to this a while back. I would say join the gym but I think there are bigger issues.

When you go to the gym does that mean he’s doing dinner/ bath/ bed with the kids? I bet it’s that bit he has a problem with. Whenever you’re going to the gym you’re not there to see to the kids which means he has to actually lift a finger. How lazy. He needs to sort HIS priorities out and stop whining about having to look after his own children for an hour.

Girl, you do what makes you happy and what will benefit you. Not him. He's controlling. No man should ever tell you what you can or can't do. You are in charge of your life.

Other: leave him

I’m so infuriated in your behalf. Tell him to shove his “your priorities are wrong” up his ass. Go to the gym sis, he’s not your master.

@Sorrel the thing is, there is NOTHING for him to do when I go in the evening. The entire housework is done, kids have eaten dinner/bathed and in pyjamas and usually just playing a game in their room for that hour, he really doesn’t have to lift a single finger. If I were to go in my lunch breaks, kids are at school, he’ll be at work so it literally doesn’t effect him at all

@Elizabeth when I ask him that he says ‘I can do things you can’t, we are not equal life’s not fair get over it’

@Kellie he tells me that I can’t waste money by signing up to a gym, when I can use the free residential one. Firstly, it’s my money, he wouldn’t be paying. Secondly, it would be max £30 per month compared to his membership which is £200+ per month, money 100% isn’t the issue he’s just using that as a reason. He’s also mentioned about not wanting men to look at me, I think that’s the real reason, he doesn’t want me to be in an environment like that. Even when I come home from the residential gym he questions if anyone tried to talk to me/look at me or smile at me

I’m sorry to say this but it’s true, he doesn’t love you. He loves the convenience of having a child bearer, maid, nanny, and cook. I’d remind him of what his life would look like if he had 50/50 custody. Then you’d actually have freedom and half the week to yourself. Smuck.

Whatever you do, do not stop going

Therein lies your issue. A partner that flat out tells you that you are not his equal in life does not respect you. This kind of statement undermines your worth, as he clearly sees himself superior to you. I’m sorry but he sounds really selfish and misogynistic.

Ok what the fuck attitude is THAT

Yeah I had a feeling that he doesn’t want guys looking. So that’s why I recommended you to either start a class for real or say that’s what you’re doing and go gym instead. You are already going to the residential gym and he’s still not happy about it so again I ask what’s his actual problem then? Because he doesn’t like you going to the other gym. But the times you do go to the residential one he’s not happy anyway? I would just tell him I’m going to a women’s Zumba class inside the gym then. Usually a gym membership comes w free unlimited fitness classes anyway. You already have the membership. Say you’re going to a class and not working out in the gym. Don’t have a care if you come home and he’s unhappy you haven’t done anything wrong you don’t need to feel guilty about it. Have you posted this before? It’s either eerily similar or you have another mum in the exact same situation as you 💁🏻‍♀️ And guys can’t smile at you? He’s very insecure.

That’s abuse and to me, that’s a dangerous man. Listen to your language, he says “you can’t” “your only option”… you have all the options in the world! It’s YOUR life. You sound like Cinderella and he’s the ugly stepmother. I’d tell him to STFU, and that you’re going to do what you want or you’ll leave, maybe that’ll get him to think twice. Although in all honestly - I’d leave him anyway because that kind of behaviour is the start of other bad behaviours - it needs nipping in the bud ASAP. No man (or person) can dictate to you what you can and cannot do.

You've posted before, he is a complete dickhead, bin him.

Girl if you don’t sign up for that gym by your job lol please … please sign up for the gym by your job…

What gives him the right to tell you what to do? This is very controlling behaviour and this kind of pattern only gets worse. Put your foot down let him have a tantrum. You do you. What does he do at home? Sounds like you do everything and he still has a stick up his ass.

Holy shit 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 this is mind blowingly unacceptable. Id leave now. He doesn’t love you he just wants a slave. This is just part of how he’s going to chip away at your self confidence and control you more and more and get more and more abusive until you feel like you can’t leave him. Just go now

From what you’ve said it sounds like he’s gotten worse which makes me think he will only continue to get worse. Is he doing something at the gym that he is afraid you would also be doing if you went

@Jessica you are correct. I see this behaviour alot unfortunately in my line of work as a criminal lawyer. It always starts with control, emotional abuse and leads to much worse.

So what was the reasoning for you using your lunch break to gym. This is an insecure man or a cheater who's conscience is plaguing them

This is insane. I’m so sorry

@Victoria~ exactly. I know what the real problem is. Over the years gym has been the place he has experienced so much. Flirting with HUNDREDS of women there, messaging, social media, he witnesses many gym goers cheating in the gym environment, and he himself has been very inappropriate with many women. I know he doesn’t want me to go to any gym because he doesn’t want me around males, or the thought someone will try to talk to me and just his own conscience because he knows all of the things he has gotten up to. It’s constant 24/7 with him and other women at the gym, to the extent these married women develop feelings and become obsessed with him buying him gifts etc. he gossips about how all the pts at the gym are sleeping with women there. He himself slept with a girl in the gym shower room years ago 🙃 But I think because of that it’s making him more and more controlling so that I can’t do anything because of his own insecurities deep down

So what are you going to do about it?🩷

Girl oh hell nah. He sounds controlling and manipulative. These men don’t realize that as mom’s we’re doing more work than they will ever do unless they decide to be a decent father and help out. We’re chefs, maids, teachers, hygienists, nurses, therapists, and so much more for our children. He needs to get over these gender roles just bc ur a mom doesn’t mean ur only job is to stay at home and take care of house and kids. Tell him go find some intelligence cuz he clearly ain’t got none. If this continues it may be time for you to leave. Sorry to break it to you but ur a single parent in a relationship. The fact that he slept with the next hoe just shows what lil respect he has for you. Go find you a real man boo he ain’t the one

I’m so sorry you’re going through this hun. Do you feel safe at home? He sounds very controlling and borderline abusive . Stay safe don’t allow him to dim your light xx