Lonely Holidays

This year has been so tough. I’m slowly becoming more and more estranged with family. My family and my child’s father family. I’ve always seem to be the scapegoat when people are unhappy because of my kindness and forgiving nature but I realized that has been more of a disservice to myself. I don’t want children to think it’s okay to treat the people you love like this. So I plan to not celebrate the holidays with my family or his (mainly his mom as she screamed and cussed me out last week while my daughter was in my arms and I had to call the police to get her to leave me alone.) she’s acting like there’s no issue with me now because she wants to see my daughter. But i just don’t trust it or trust her or my family anymore. My mother has banned my daughter’s father from coming over for no real reason other than she’s not happy with him or me right now….neither is her husband. None of this is okay. I just want my babies to be surrounded by love. And a part of me is feeling guilty about all of this like I could’ve done something more….being raised by narcissists really trained me to believe that everything is my fault somehow or I didn’t do enough. I’m really on this journey of self love and knowing my worth. It’s just becoming more and more lonely and heartbreaking. and none of this stress is good for my babies.