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I still did all my duties plus the other things but when it came with special requests. No, sorry you haven't earn that. I got "what you mean?" Nop it doesn't work that way you a King but I'm a Queen so 50/50 help me around the house the way we can have more family time then more us time 👩❤️💋👨 so teamwork so we can both enjoy 😉 and both be happy 😊
I feel your pain. Boy, do I have a story to tell 🥴. My best advice is to have a sit down with him and let it all out. Some of these men will run us over because we let them. We're too damn understanding. We used to have this same issue in our relationship up until a year ago, girl. I said enough is enough. When I say let it out, I mean, let EVERY emotion in your body come out during that argument so that he can FEEL your pain. SOME of these men don't have a bit of sense. We sometimes have to grab them by the hand and show them. It took a lot of talks for him to finally get up and help me. I was patient with him as well. Now, he cooks, cleans, and helps with kids without having to be asked. I have a natural high, so sometimes I look spaced out 😂 and he'll hop up like "what you need me to do?" LOL It takes time. Just have those sit downs every time you feel some kind of way about what he's not doing. Like I said, some of these men are like children. You have to grab them by the hand and show them.
@Genesis💜 this seems like a very good tactic but if I’m not honest, I can’t wait that long. Thank you for the advice
@Bethany he will get it in around 1 to 2 weeks. As again we can't fight because it won't really fix the problem. You can just take it a step at a time. Do your part, and the pamper yourself; as a reward you need it for you well-being. Soon in off he will see the things you do are not easy like some might think. It's not a punishment but if you are not happy he has to do his best to notice you as his Queen & that he is Blessed & Luck to have you in his life. And he needs to learn to appreciate the big & little things you do as much or equally as you praise 👏🏽 him It's 50/50. I been with my hubby for 10 years. We got together at 18yrs old and at the time we only got that we were too young to be together that we should live life. And we did live life together though and still living life 🙏🏾🙏🏾 and I did this when he was 18yrs old that I feel it was OK for him to be chilled and laid back we both work so we both needed to share. Then at 19yrs I told him if we ever have kids I'm staying at home, & he agreed.
@Shatoria (Tori) agreed, you need to have a good talk and not do everything and be overly understanding. I had a talk numerous times then I started leaving the dishes for him to wash and won't touch it. As for being on the phone...I started focusing on myself and the things that brings me joy. Also had a serious discussion about how I am feeling....it's finally starting to sink in I think.
I told him if I sacrifice my career to build a family I want to feel respected if you going to keep working you have to atleast help with baby so I can clean and do everything else. Or I care for our kids and you do everything else and work. If you cook I can wash. If I cook you can wash. 50/50 you my best friend and my hubby I need you and I got you too! He wanted a baby there and there and noooo. We were still young so I went with want my mom asked of me. I had an IUD so we waited til 25yrs to conceive and we got our boy and I did have to ask him to request days he did Maternity leave (PTO) lol he still jokes about it he is like I deserve equally I need maternity leave fatherly leave 🤷♀️ i guess lol but the gave it to him he was with me for 3 weeks helping out. And 3yrs later he is the same no more strikes for love & needs since 19yrs old.
What can I say we were young so I need to get to my highshool level and baby him for a little bit pamper him and show him how good life is when you have a great or good woman by your side. How you bank account keeps multiplying and not going lower because she helps you budget you money because she doesn't ask for material thing but ask to care for her needs like help me clean give me a massage, talk to me, listen to me. All those things sometimes we woman change a Spa day just to be with our hubby or sacrifice a vacation because he needs to work. If a woman don't ask for much then give her what she is asking for. Cause if not pay me for cleaning 🙃 pay me like you would pay a maid if he was single. And I'll watch how you'll be buying a maid dress walking around the house to proof a point lol 😆 😂
@Genesis💜 haha girl you're a pro.
@Carina haha you got to work something out to make them care 😆
Oh lord I feel your pain. This is my partner. But he’s always been the passenger in the relationship but now we have a baby it just seems extremely unfair. Like yours, mine will do things when asked, or if I write a list he will go through it all but never ever shows initiative and takes control himself. I ended up sitting him down with a MASSIVE list of the chores needing done and we started going through it and deciding who does what. Shock horror if he’s ticked 3 or the morning chores he would never “notice” other stuff needing done that wasn’t on his list. I really feel for you because it’s actually a massive weight to carry it all and always be the one who steers the ship. It feels like another child, not an equal participating partner. We’ve been for counselling and everything because of it. Bloody nightmare. But yeah my advice is try the chores list idea. Feel free to message me!
I totally get you about the confrontation bit, I am a cryer too and quite often can’t get the right words out so what I prefer to do is write out exactly what my issue is and how I feel about it / what I need him to improve on etc. and give it to him as a letter, let him read it and give him some time and then let him come to you to discuss further if needs be. I feel like the letter conveys the most important things and the rest feels like a chat rather than a confrontation.
Thank you for your comments. I really do feel so alone and trapped in this cycle of putting things under the rug as it’s really something I need to do a lot of work on
@Bethany venting with us helps. You are doing great to talk about it. You shouldn't feel alone or trapped but is normal to feel that way, and talk about it that's why I love this app. 🥰 Sharing experiences & supporting each other when needed. You got this little by little you'll see he will start helping just needs a little smooth push 😉
@Bethany I am sorry you are gong through that. I was in the same boat, til I stop saying anything & keep doing all the cleaning & cooking & caring for my son. As I was too tired, when night came and my King wanted to get 😘 all loving, I would say sorry love I am too tired, if I had more help I would be less tired a well for some love action. Then, it would be I'm sorry love I can't scratch your back cause that messes my nails up. I'm sorry honey but I can't give you a massage as I been brooming & mopping all day. I'm sorry love but I can't tonight cause my back hurt from picking up the laundry my hands are destroyed from folding so I can't use my hands to satisfy you. But of course I would offer a bubble bath for him but I'm sorry I won't be able to be in as I need to care for the baby. Idk but he started getting the message. I wasn't arguing or anything. Just minding myself all day waiting for him to ask me something and oh I'm sorry love I can't today but how about tomorrow? One day yes & 3 days no.