TTC .. but partner has gone off it…

When we decided to start trying for our second, my husband was adamant he didn't want to track anything, which was fine with me. His friend told him he and his wife were trying too, and the wife was tracking, and the husband haaaaateeeedddd it. I'm not sure why exactly, but I know my hubs just didn't want to feel like we were intimate because we had to be. He wanted to try and let it happened however it was meant to without us putting pressure on it, at least for the first while. He was open to tracking if it was taking too long and we needed the help, but we ended up pregnant before that. We just did it 2ish times/ week and figured we'd hit the window once or twice a month that way haha

My husband said the same thing. His concern was that my ONLY reason for wanting sex was bc we were TTC. Just talk to him to try and reassure him that’s not the only reason and see if there’s anything else he’s worried about?

I could see why it feels forced, but I wouldn’t say you did anything wrong either. Maybe you two can find a common ground

@Tevenia thank you ! I did try reassure him.. I think I made the mistake of tracking a little tooo much maybe If we don’t fall pregnant this month, I’ll learn and try to let it be more ‘less tracked’ or I might not mention it at all and just do it on my own and then hopefully that will feel more natural

@Keni I get why men don’t want it tracked.. and in a way I wish we didn’t have to do it ! But there is only a small window.. and that’s fair enough for your husband to really want it tracked if you guys needed the help.. did you guys fall pregnant with just trying couple times a week? I feel gutted if we aren’t pregnant but trying to not stress 🙈 xx

@Jodi thank you for your reply! I think we’ll just not talk about the ‘fertile window’ and hopefully that helps. I heard it can just put a lot of pressure on the man which I get but I was trying to not mention it but I stupidly said yday was the last day of potentially trying and he was just not interested after that lol

@Sophia we weren't perfectly on schedule all the time, but aimed for 2/week. We might have missed a week here or there or only did it once a week sometimes, but tried to just be consistent with it. We started trying around June ish and conceived in mid Dec! So took a few months for us. Technically they don't consider it a fertility issue until you hit a year without conceiving while staying consistent with being intimate. Also, stress can make it harder to conceive! We became pregnant when I was focused on Christmas instead of making a baby🤣

@Ellie 100% agree! Tried 6 months with tracking and nothing! Then we decided to “try but not try” and see how it went and I got pregnant within two months!xx

I would stop tracking for a while. You never know he might surprise you with a good night (or morning) 😉

I can definitely see why he’s saying that. Maybe don’t tell him when you’re fertile and don’t only want to have sex with him during that period so that it’s noticeable. He’s probably feeling like you don’t actually want him you just want the sperm. Maybe use ovulation tests if you aren’t already they will give you a better idea or the most important time so be trying xx

So I tracked my cycles when I was TTC but I didn’t go into details with my husband. This stopped any pressure and anything feeling forced from his end and I worked round it knowing when it was more important to try throughout the months. This worked well for us as I know other couple who have been super stressed with the pressure x

My husband really wanted to be on board with trying. But the pressure of performance on demand was really unenjoyable and quickly started affecting our relationship. I will fully admit I found it really hard. I couldn’t quite fathom why he couldn’t just do this one thing for me. We were trying after a miscarriage and I was so desperate to get pregnant again. Took 8 months and it made us both miserable. The month we conceived we had sex once, barely in the fertile window. I would mirror what other people say, concentrate on your relationship instead, make sex fun, try to get a routine of at least 2x week. I know it’s so much easier said than done. Good luck, I hope it happens soon for you.

Thanks so much for your messages everyone This has made me feel so much better on this 😅🙈 I’m glad it’s not just us feeling like this.. I’ll definitely take the advice @Steff 💕 That’s soo interesting @Katie just goes to show you don’t need to do it every day or every other day like all the apps say!!

@Hayley I know but I definitely didn’t eveer want him to feel that way ! 🙈😔 So I’ve used ovulation tests for the first time and I really don’t understand what I’m doing haha so I’m going by the app! The app said I ovulated on Friday.. so I we did the deed on Thursday evening, and we haven’t done it since. But the ov test was close to positive on. Friday, I’m not 100% sure but it definitely wasn’t darkest so that’s why I’m confused lol The line faded by Saturday So who knows lol It’s all too scientific for me I think 😂🙈 any tips welcomed !!

@Sophia I found that I did better by just listening to my body? Like I have a lower sex drive, so if I’m constantly wanting to jump his bones, I’m probably ovulating lol I explained that I couldn’t help it, and that my ovaries were screaming obscene things at me lol it became a joke and e ended up pregnant that second month of “not tracking” (I wasn’t testing just checking my CM when I went potty)

Make it romantic keep track of your ovulation… we knew we wanted a 2nd but didn’t track it like that because I noticed when that’s all I think about it won’t happen… I was literally playing the game one evening a day or so before end of ovulation and he wanted me to hop on top we went to town😂but I leaned all the way back and he looked at me with big eyes and said welp are you ready for another…. Getting pregnant wasn’t even on my mind at the moment just playing around he was pushed right on my cervix which is the best way to conceive for myself

You could just try to make it feel more spontaneous and less clinical, maybe? Like instead of talking about your fertile window, just seduce him when it's time. Then it'll feel more natural