Really struggling after premature birth and NICU stay
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Hey I read your post and I can relate. My baby was born at 26 weeks and also spent about 4 long months in the hospital (breathing problems, infection after infection and all sorts of other stuff no parent wants to ever hear)…but today he is thriving and is pretty much just your average toddler except maybe slightly smaller (his speech is actually advanced for his age too)…it’s literally a miracle. But I also struggled a lot and felt isolated…even in mommy and me groups, I never quite fit in because of how different my birth story was compared to everyone. I went through all the grieving stages too, anger, sadness, tons of shame and guilt. What helped personally was therapy and having an amazing and supportive partner/husband. 3 years later, the trauma is still there and I’m still working through it…but come to accept that it will always be a part of my life. Time helps too. Give yourself grace…be kind to yourself, you’ve been through something extraordinary and that takes time.
I felt like this massively. I went to a pretty dark place. My LB 28 weeks is now 21 months nearly 22. I still feel like this some days and hearing 'but he's fine now' sets me back. I spoke to the mental health team at my work and they said I should speak to the doctor as it sounds like I have PTSD & PPA & PPD. I know he's fine now and wasn't even in the NICU that long compared to others, isn't doing too bad for his corrected age but having a birth that's not how you planned and was traumatic can cause PTSD. Please if you can speak to someone. Your doing great, no one can really understand you unless they've been through it.
I realised that everytime someone tried to point out a ‘positive’ from the NICU or made an ‘at least’ comment, it made me feel as if my whole experience was being minimised. As if the trauma didn’t matter anymore because ‘at least’. I’ve pointed it out to a few people and set the boundary which has helped a little. NICU is so very traumatic and we all deal differently so don’t be so hard on yourself. I also think that there is a lot to grieve with NICU and I wonder if what your grieving is actually the end of your pregnancy, those ‘normal’ milestones like going home with baby etc rather than baby? If that makes any type of sense!