I told my ex in June, he moved out August. August started our separation. Atleast that is how it is in PA. To be honest, agreements are better left for a mediator, courts. My ex and I were cordial enough to agree he gets the kids every Wednesday and every other weekend. Child support we agreed on an amount (much lower than a court would give me) but I’m okay with that because I don’t want my ex to drown. It only hurts the kids. Gray area happens when things aren’t followed because court isn’t involved. In my case- ex was starting to pay support late. Weekends that were his he would give the kids to his mom when he didn’t want to miss a job opportunity. 4 of his weekends in a row my kids were at their grandparents. All things to think about. If you don’t want to do it privately don’t even bother writing anything up for him. Write what you would like for yourself to be prepared going in and they can bounce back and forth off that.
I would consult with a lawyer before telling him anything so you know your legal options. Consultations are usually free. I would plan all of the aspects once you have some understanding from a lawyer. My ex chose not to contest as I was as reasonable as possible in the marital dissolution agreement and parenting plan. My lawyer told me not to leave our home until she filed the papers. TN the waiting period is after divorce papers are filed. She provided a copy of the TN parenting plan template for me to draft what I wanted. I discussed with my ex and we aligned on everything. Initially, I told him it was over in the heat of an argument, and he immediately told our kids in the most toxic way. I will forever regret that was their experience.
Get a lawyer even a free consultation, be finding your own place, set money aside, have a to-go bad ready with documents, cash, and clothes jic his reaction is bad if he does find out before you’re ready. Let atleast one person in your life know even if it’s a lawyer.