Toddler tantrums

I’ll tell you what my mom did because I don’t really remember her raising her voice too much at me, but she did put me in timeouts and would ignore me until I was done, I remember being around three years old though

Thank you I had someone tell me about the time outs and I tried them today which did work some I’m gonna keep trying them see how it goes

Honestly i just ignore that behavior. Walk away and don’t pay attention to It because they’re looking for a reaction. I learned that through teaching at a preschool. If you can’t handle the crying/whining pop a headphone in and play your favorite music. Better to do that then blow up ❤️

I don’t have any tantrums. And when I was a nanny I dealt with far less tantrums than the parents all because I encouraged the child to use their words. They can’t learn to regulate their emotions properly unless we teach them. And they are often acting out because they don’t have the words to communicate their needs effectively. Now with my daughter I heavily encouraged her speech so when she’s wants something we can just talk about it which minimized tantrums 99%. But ik that’s not the case for all kids. So in cases where kids can’t really communicate time out can sometimes work. But it should only be 1-3mins per their age. And time out really should be a last resort. Ask 1 time, give a warning, and if that doesn’t work then follow through with the consequence.

Now I also have to say often times when I see toddlers and kids have outbursts it’s because the parents put way too many restrictions/expectations on kids. Yes kids need to hear no but they also need room to explore and when parents r saying no to everything that is very frustrating for a child. My mother in law says no to everything my daughter does and tells her something bad is gonna happen or she’s gonna make a mess or she’s gonna fall and bust her head and my daughter isn’t doing anything too dangerous . Unless they are at risk for serious injury let them be kids sometimes. That will minimize tantrums. If they wanna try a raw onion and u know if u say “no u can’t eat that” it will cause a tantrum then just let them try a raw onion. If they wanna walk at the grocery store and touch things, I’m sorry but let them, my daughter helps me push the cart and pick avocados and bananas, and I’ll see other moms forcing their screaming child in the cart.

Lastly toddlers shouldn’t be getting into trouble too much, which lets me know u may have too many expectations for him. The only way to get in trouble is to break rules and toddlers shouldn’t really have rules, they can’t understand them. Now my daughter is about to be 2 and she likes to eat books and paper but she doesn’t know y she can’t eat books and paper. she just knows she gets “in trouble” when she eats paper, and I can’t really explain to her that paper isn’t edible and that’s y she is getting in trouble so I do my best to keep paper away from her instead of expecting her to understand that the rule is not to eat paper. If that makes any sense. And us as parent get really triggered because we have this expectation that a 1 year old should know what “no! don’t put that in ur mouth! listen to me! don’t touch that! Get down from there now, etc” means when that can’t comprehend that at all.

Quick thing. I worked with elderly patients who suffered brain injuries and they reminded me of children, I had to feed them, change their diapers, and they often threw tantrums as well, so I took what I learned there with me when dealing with children, I had to use alternative ways of “ discipline” because what do I look like putting a confused 84 year old man in time out or yelling and him for misbehaving and throwing his toys at me. So just imagine ur toddler as a old person with dementia and how would u aid someone with that condition who is obviously not trying to be disrespectful or disobedient, they are just very confused and don’t understand what’s going on. Ur have to get ur 1 year old that grace too because he’s only been here a year and barely speaks English as it is.

^^yes most of our "tantrums" are just frustrated feelings because I don't understand what she's asking or I had to say no because we just can't do whatever at the moment. I meet her with empathy, hugs if she needs it, or getting down on her level and doing deep breaths to help regulate those feelings. It's only after she's calmed down that I can then talk to her and decipher what the problem was and how we can help. I don't believe in time outs at this age because it makes no logical sense to them, other than mommy or daddy are leaving me alone and I'm scared/mad/frustrated and it just prolongs the issue. Truly the only time mines really in "trouble" is when doing something dangerous like letting go of my hand in a parking lot or like when she tried to run down the slide instead of sit. But in those cases I immediately take her away from the danger and her consequence is to not have the freedom as she is carried away. All other times are more learning opportunities for co-regulation.

@Anne I turned out perfectly fine lol and actually I was only put in a time out when I was doing something wrong not during big emotional moments. There’s always gonna be things out there saying you’re right or you’re wrong. Do what’s best for your kid. But you’re not ignoring their emotions after their time out and after they calm down, you sit there and talk to them about what’s going on. Sounds like you’re just not comprehending the right kind of time out, but there’s plenty of different ways to go around things and do things and there’s plenty of right ways telling someone they’re wrong for some thing that worked successfully for them and making them feel like a bad parent is wrong in my opinion

@Anne there’s plenty of depth to this, but using the time out as the fix yeah I could see how that wouldn’t help but that’s why there’s plenty of depth to it just like there is parenting. You only put the child in the timeout when they do something wrong and they’re throwing a temper tantrum because they’re not getting their way. Once they calm down, then you go over to the kid and talk about their feelings. Nothing about that is ignoring their emotions but it’s also teaching them that negative emotions isn’t gonna get them anywhere. That taught me so much in life and his even got to where I’m at today. I’d say honestly I’m a lot more emotionally developed than my peers

@Anne overall though I disagree with your comment because there is so little depth to it and such little understanding to the concept

Some scary advice on here. I recommended using resources with certified moms a lot of accounts you can utilize through ig tiktok etc from qualified people. I personally refer to abanatrually atm on all of those platforms.

After reading the comment above mine I’m going to re word what i meant because It sounded harsh lol. I meant ignore the behavior, not the child. Let them go through their emotions and once they’ve calmed down comfort them and let them know they’re safe and It’s okay to have those big feelings. When i worked with kids It can be very overwhelming especially when multiple kids are having the same tantrum at once. It came be very easy as an adult to lose our cool especially when we can’t help with big tantrums