Opinions on “crying it out”

We never did cry it out. We coslept from night one. I used a modified method of “camping” where I’d lay with him until he was asleep then I’d sneak away and escape until I was ready for actual bed, so my son had self soothing opportunities. At 14 months my son started putting HIMSELF down for his OWN naps, at 21 months he’s requesting to sleep in his own bed & not joining me our big bed until the morning.

Hi there! For starters I just want to remind you how amazing youre doing! My husband and I also have disagreements on this topic since I have said that as long as the baby is safe and cant hurt himself, not sick or getting sick actively, or in any physical pain or bleeding then its okay to let his brain learn that its okay to self soothe. But of course if the baby is overtired, uncomfortable or otherwise then you definitely can check in on him periodically. Leaving your baby alone to self soothe is not going to cause any issues or attachment issues! Hes only 5 weeks and he thinks of you as still apart of him so its scary for him to not hear your voice smell you or see that you are there but that is also a real skill for him to develop and also is beneficial to you and your mental health. If you and your partner are still disagreeing try this. If you lay your baby down and he fusses but doesnt start crying harder or look visibly more fussy then extend your time by waiting to check

on him by a minute! and of course if he gets worse then go check in but try to give your baby the opportunity to be alone and eventually he will be able to go back to rest if he wakes up and fusses! Hope this helps!

Also babies don’t learn how to self regulate without being taught through modled co regulation. A 5 week old baby is brand new. Hold your child whenever you want to.

“Crying it out” isn’t them learning to self soothe. Babies who are left to ‘cry it out’ are babies who eventually cry SO much they have exhausted themselves and realise that no one is coming for them. It’s not something my household will be doing.

my baby is 6 weeks. they don’t know how to self sooth yet BUT sometimes he gets fussy mostly fighting sleep now & i will offer a bottle or paci and if he deny both i will let him cry for a minute to make up his mind, usually after i offer them again he picks one & calms right down !

I really wish people would abolish the idea that babies and young children need to learn how to self soothe. They can only learn to do that once a secure attachment is built over YEARS of positive interactions and relationships. Leaving a baby to cry increases their toxic stress levels on the brain which causes issues in later life. The first 5 years of a child’s development is so important and it is equally as important that they know their parents are going to tend to their needs. A 5 week old babies ONLY form of communication is to cry. To not tend to that baby and meet their needs is emotional neglect IMO.

The cio thing is more for older babies like 3 months and up. I read a book on baby sleep, I hadn't gotten hardly any with my first and it had been 5 months, I was dead to the world 🥲. So I did what this book calls the elimination method and it helps you understand baby sleep and what can set them up for success in sleeping independently. So if you get to that point, feeling hopeless about getting the baby down and having more than 2 minutes to yourself, I highly recommend Precious Little Sleep, really helpful to me in a really tough time.

Thresholds are something you can use to gauge the types of crying, (although 5 weeks is so so early - do try to get to little one as fast as you can.) So for example - if a whimper starts and baby isn’t fully crying and you settle them, they will calm down so much quicker. If the threshold reaches red face, blotchy skin, screams and crying then you’ll have to pacify baby for a lot longer, plus they’re more likely to be snivelling and upset for longer. At 5 weeks baby is crying for really simple reasons : nappy, food, sleep, wind or comfort. Denying attention to your baby is just ignoring its needs, which overtime creates more trauma than is necessary. With that in mind, if YOU or dad need that 5 minutes because you’re overwhelmed then take it. But all your baby is doing is communicating their needs, don’t let them reach a panicked threshold. Let them be the judge of soothing - the goal is not for them to be independent straight away, that’s not why you chose to be a parent is it?

I started putting my baby in his crib/bassinet during his wake windows. My goal was to leave him for 5-10 minutes (supervising closeby obvious) while he was happy/not fussy. It starts to show them individual play is okay, and is great for their development. When he starts to fuss/cry, usually I’m doing something (washing bottles, doing dishes) so I quickly finish whatever I have and go get him. I try to first calm him while he’s still in the crib, and then after a few minutes I pick him up to soothe him. I wouldn’t leave him for prolonged periods, but if it’s a few minutes it’s okay.

Lastly remember this - 5 weeks ago they didn’t know cold or too warm, they didn’t know hunger, they didn’t know air, they didn’t know full noises or lights, they didn’t know they would sit in clothing or nappies, they didn’t know their voice, they didn’t know anything on the outside world. It takes so much time, so be there to comfort them, it’s a huge shock!

I gave my son about 5 minutes to cry it out as he only cried when exhausted and fought sleep, now with him 6 months i give 5-10 minutes depending on his pitch of cry

I’d say 5 weeks is wayyyy too young to do the whole “cry it out”. In a nutshell when they stop crying it’s because they give up hope that their mommy or daddy is going to help them and soothe them and they collapse from exhaustion. So just remind your husband of this whenever you guys have a disagreement about it again 😇💕 people often think that babies know how to manipulate and fake cry to get what they want but in reality they cry because that’s their main or only way to communicate with you guys. If he cries because he wants to be picked up, then pick him up. He wants to be held and comforted by the people he trusts and feel safe around and that’s perfectly fine lol 🥰

Don’t strive for self soothing- it’s not possible for a little one to be able to do this. The part of the brain responsible for it is the last bit to develop (around 25 years old). Your baby is so so little atm and really needs you for comfort! The best thing to do is research what newborn sleep actually looks like and trust your instincts :) They need co-regulation and a strong attachment at this age! X

Whether or not you do cry it out or Ferber eventually is your choice, but know that none of these methods are supposed to be used before 3-4 months. 5 weeks is too young to even understand or sleep train. Focus on creating a soothing bed time routine, use white noise, swaddling and rocking.

Hi, so if everything is alright with baby and they're just a little bit fussy, I would say up to 3-5 min. max. We should see it as an OPPORTUNITY to LEARN gradually to self soothe and not to force them to do it because they're hopeless and exhausted. But when they are screaming for hours on end, you tried everything already to soothe them and its not only about self soothing anymore its okay to step out up to 10-15 min. for you to self-regulate, reset and come back more calm and patient unless you could hand baby over to somebody else for this time. We do give our babies a few min. because around 3 out of 10 times they do go back to sleep themselves and we leave a piece of my worn clothing close by so they can smell mommy. Then we soothe them again and so on

My take on self soothe was a baby falling asleep by themselves, which my youngest and eldest did from a very young age. My middle (a son) slept with me and was a terrible sleeper. At around 18 months I did 3 or 4 nights of him crying it out in his cot and that cracked it and he never slept badly again. All 3 are solid sleepers, I'm very fortunate

I never left my baby to cry, especially at that young age. They can’t learn to self-smooth at that age (real self soothing is taught much later through co-regulation, not leaving them to cry). At this age they are learning whether the world is safe or not and knowing they will be tended to if they communicate they need that will help them learn that the world is a safe place which starts to build their mental well-being for life. Having secure attachment is more important than learning how to put themselves to sleep at this young age.

There's a lot of research and materials and information out there to read and sit down with your partner to go over with that in fact will tell you any type of "self soothing" before 3-5 months is not good for baby. Or you. My boyfriend and I had this exact same discussion this morning, Im 5 days postpartum and he is all about self soothing methods and I was balling my eyes out this morning in disagreement bc our baby had been crying for 20-30+ minutes and he wanted me to let him "fuss it out" as he put it. He took my step son to school and came back and apologized after he sat in the car from getting back, he had done a bunch of research, and apologized and promised we wouldn't go about letting him cry it out and we will find a way to transition when the time is right, much later on when he's developed more for that transition, bc 5 days and 5 weeks is far too early. Im not keen on 5 months either lol.

We did ferber method when our boys were older, i think one and 9 months? Five weeks is too young imo

Babies are not able to self soothe. Crying it out is neglect and only teaches them they can’t count on you.

I would do cry it out but not at 5 weeks old.. more like 5+ months x

Babies can’t self soothe. They can learn to do things on their own if YOU give me the confidence that you are THERE. When he cries , be there. It’s his only way of communication !!! Try sitting him in his bassinet when he’s awake and happy instead so it becomes a safe space. This worked for us and my baby goes right down and even cries for his bassinet when he is tired . But he’s CONFIDENT that when he calls us we are making sure he’s ok. In his mom. It’s my job even if I’m a little tired . Those cries are heartbreaking !

I wouldn’t suggest doing the cry it out method. Your baby is way way way too young to be left to “self soothe”. Crying it out creates trauma in their brain and it affects how their brain develops. If you are getting frustrated put the baby down in a bassinet and walk away for a minute to get some fresh air and deep breaths. But please don’t do the crying out method. The babies then feel like they aren’t in a safe environment and can’t rely on you to make them feel safe. They were just in your warm womb for 9 months now they are in the outside world where it’s cold, loud noises, lots of different things going on and they feel hungry often instead of getting the food from you internally. There’s lots of research nowadays what the long term effects are of the crying out method.

@Jessica yes! My mom has made several comments about how amazing it is that my almost 8 month old will play independently in his play yard/crib/on the floor/etc. and it’s because I place him in a safe place with toys he loves and let him explore while responding to any need he has at anytime.