Sleep deprived or depressed

I’m at a point where I’m not sure if I’m just extremely sleep deprived or I’m actually depressed.. My baby is 9 months and since around 3 months iv not a full nights sleep every single I’m up seeing nearly every hour of the clock and it’s fair to say I’m drained now, I’m finding it difficult to find any happiness in the day and I’m extremely frustrated all the time it takes the tiniest inconvenience for me to lose my patience and I’m angry or I’m just crying, I find it hard to cope with her during the day at times she’s a mummy’s girl and hates being without me even if I nip to the toilet she comes with me I feel extremely overstimulated all the time everyday I wish for the day to be over and then as soon as night time closes in I feel this intense anxiety because I know I’m about to be up all night again then during the night I just find myself breaking down during her wake ups as I’m soo exhausted I feel like I physically cannot survive like this anymore and I also dread the day ahead that I have to do it all over again I feel soo trapped at the moment and it makes me feel like the worst mum in the world, she is everything to me and id do anything for her, she doesn’t settle for anyone else especially for sleep so I can’t have anyone else take her for a night as I know she won’t sleep and I wouldn’t relax either I’d feel soo guilty as she’d be soo upset, but I’m also just completely depleted of all my energy now I feel like Iv been running on empty for soo long now that I don’t even recognise myself anymore I feel like a shell and that I don’t actually have any personality anymore, I feel like the universe just keeps working against me when I try to do anything to cheer myself up so Iv given up trying to do anything to make myself feel like me again because everytime it never works out and I have to cancel last minute I feel incredibly insecure and trapped I feel like I’m never going to feel like myself again I’m pregnant also so I can’t even just go out and let my hair down for one night I’m just drained from everything I feel like an awful mum and like maybe I’m just not even cut out for this at all :(

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It can be so tough cant it. I could have written this myself. My little one is very similar. I had a bit of hard time coping around 6 months, it's still very tough now but we've changed a few things that have helped. I got a talking therapies referral for post natal anxiety & depression. This has been super helpful in regrading some of my thinking. Which doesn't fix the problems but can help how I feel about them. My husband takes care of baby for a few hours in the night so I get a little chunk of unbroken sleep, often baby doest wake for him anyway but I express some milk for him just incase. He also changed his working hours so I could have abit of time to myself so now I have a few hours Wednesday afternoon to do as I please. Honestly it has made such a difference. I know it feels hard but it really will not last forever even though I know it sometimes feels that way. Sending solidarity your way, you've got this. ❤️

It’s too long to hold my attention without paragraphs so hopefully I don’t ask you to repeat yourself. Is your LO formula fed? Do you have family who could take them to give yourself a break? If they are willing to do an overnight that would be perfect. I think it’s sleep deprivation. When you’re in my position and having a full nights sleep every night it makes you enjoy even the hard times more.

Who can help you? Even if it’s for an hour, is there anyone that can come in and take your little one? You’re exhausted, and it is fixable. At the moment it feels like the world is ending because you’ve got nothing left to give and you need urgent care yourself. As suggested by Mia, reaching out for therapy would also help. But first things first - you need rest, and that means physically getting someone in. Even a nap on your own will do wonders. You’re not a bad mum, you’re an exhausted human being.

You have literally just described how I feel and my life! Apart from the been pregnant I will not be doing that again 🤣🤣 but I hope your okay I really do it’s so hard 🩷

Literally could of written this myself! My partner tries his best but baby won't sleep with anyone but me is constantly up thrashing about waking himself up! I am currently waiting for a perinatal team appointment as I thought I lv got ppd but honestly it's most likely no sleep for so long xx

@Mia thankyou for your kind words iv spoken to my parter about shift changes etc unfortunately his work aren’t as accommodating he rotates from days and nights doing 12hrs so it’s very demanding he tries to help as much as he can when he’s home but are wont settle for him it makes me feel bad because I hear her soo upset then hes had a long day and i just want to resolve the situation for everyone im too much of a people pleaser but its just hard finding a balance, thankyou for the advice x

@Lesley she is formula fed yes but the trouble is she will not settle for anyone else not even her dad it’s extremely frustrating and difficult but it’s also my own fault she’s like that, I should let someone have her overnight but I just worry that they will become frustrated because she cries soo much :( I feel like when I tell others about how difficult she can be they just brush me off with comments like “ aw what’s mummy saying about you” “is she telling lies about you “ so leads to me believe they wouldn’t be prepared for how little sleep they’d actually get having her if that makes any sense x

@Lidia thankyou soo much for your lovely words it really does mean soo much, I think my next step is talking to the gp about speaking to someone about how I feel, the guilt I feel for leaving her is soo intense because I know how upset she will instantly become as soon as I’m not there but I do agree that maybe I just get so one to help for a short amount of time it may help improve my mood, thankyou x

@katie I’m sorry to hear that you can relate it’s such a tough one and I really hope you are okay also thankyou for your kind words xx

It's tough on everyone, isn't it. I felt really guilty about my partner having to change his hours & have less sleep. But honestly I would have just broken without the help. Then I'd have been no use to him or baby. Your stress cup is completely full & the only way this starts to feel better us by finding small ways of trying to empty out your stress cup. Things like sleep obviously help massively here. If there's anything at all you can if it's nap with baby or hire a nanny for a night/few hours. My lil one now naps for half an hour in his pushchair and the walk helps empty my stress cup. I really do hope it starts to feel a little easier for you soon xx

I would give them to anyone that’s willing too. If you have the option maybe have someone stay over in your house and you wear ear plugs.

I could have wrote this myself I feel the exact same way. If you need to message me I’m here for you xxx

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