For Single mums of younger babies- do/have you ever worried about dying at home with your child and nobody being there to get your baby?

Oh I was meant to specify, this is if you have a child below the age of being able to seek help themselves, so unable to use a phone, leave the house alone… I’m talking toddlers and babies

I am a single mum to a 2 year old and almost 4 year old and I’ve actually never had this thought!!!!

This made the news from across the pond and lives rent free in my head 😥 https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-lincolnshire-68007571

The postpartum anxiety is real. I just tried to always have my phone. If I could at least dial 911 they’d come and find my baby. Also I’d just hope he’d be ok till my husband got home and found him. If you live alone and worry make a deal with someone to text them twice a day by a certain time and to call you if they don’t get the text so someone will know in a reasonable time frame if the worst has happened.

It's normal to have these intrusive thoughts after having a baby unfortunately. To put your mind at ease, do you have someone who you text often? Could you have a check-in with them each morning and if they don't receive a text by a certain time they could call you to check everything is okay? It would put your mind at rest at least x

@Hashana really? It’s never crossed your mind once? It has repeatedly ever since I kicked my ex out🤦🏽‍♀️ before I had a baby I would t have cared if I died here alone because I’m dead.. but since having my son and being alone I often think if my son woke in the night like he does but this time I was laying dead beside him, what would he do and how long would it take for the alarm to be raised.. by which time, what has become of my son? @Raqi ooh I remember this and I had a lot of questions when this came out! I’m not trying to point fingers or anything however the parents decided because of an argument between them, they wouldn’t contact each other and it was the Christmas period and mum didn’t even call to wish her son merry Christmas! They both should have put their issues aside for their son😵‍💫

@Jessica and @Hannah you see, my ex will contact every day asking how we are but we are on completely different time schedules.. I will say my goodbye around 11pm and then I won’t hear from her until sometimes 5pm the next day! If I don’t respond to her message at 5pm she wouldn’t even bat an eyelid and when I eventually get back to her at like 8pm she would just say she assumed I was busy. I believe if I didn’t message her back that day at all she wouldn’t suspicious until the next evening! By that time my son would have missed up to 2 sets of breakfast, lunch and dinner.. not had a single drop of water or milk and I couldn’t imagine the distress he would be in as he cries wondering the house and trying to wake me up! And that’s saying it took 2 days to notice! It could be much longer and I’m not sure how long he would survive in this instance!

GIRL I had a thought like this last night when I was in the tub with my son. He’s just learned how to match square blocks to square holes, triangles, etc. Well there was a ball pit ball in the bath with us and he was putting it in my mouth and laughing so hard lol but then the thought crossed my mind what if I accidentally choked on this thing? I would die in the bathtub and he wouldn’t be able to get out and who knows what would happen then.

There is a movie based on a true story on Netflix just like this. However, the father did end up coming back but he was out of the country I believe and he didn't get along with the mother so idk if he was living with them

And I do think about this

Sorry ok, not dumb. No it never dawned on me. If you are having intrusive thoughts about this talk to a medical professional.

Literally all the time, I imagine dying and how long until someone finds my baby. And when I take out the bin I imagine getting locked out and how I would get back in to my baby inside

Totally understand this one. My son is 5 years old now but has hearing issues and doesn’t wake to the sound of a fire alarm, and I live in fear of a fire situation at night in which I’m overwhelmed by smoke and don’t wake and then he can’t hear the alarm.

Yes I think about this all the time 😭 even if I pop in the garden to put some recycling in the bin I take my phone in case I fall and break a leg or something! I also try to remember if I did died during the day then my husband would be home by 4.30, so at the worst they'd be home alone for a few hours but it's something I worry about a lot. And sadly this is tame compared to the PPA I had with my first 😔

I think there is an app that exists for people who don’t have anyone they’re living with or just anyone to check on them. You set it to check on you every day at the same time and if you don’t check in, it notifies whoever you put as your emergency contacts or local authorities or request a wellness check to your last known location. I think it’s called Snug.

I'm not single but think about this happening while my husband is at work 😞

I’ve thought this a few times as I don’t live near to family and don’t no anyone near me I thought the other day I should at least leave front door unlocked so my child can go get help I think my daughter would call out through letterbox if anything happened She’s 4 now tho so soon il let her no how to get out door or call 911

Apologies for all the mums that are not single that have also had this thought, I didn’t even think about it being that much of a issue because in my mind I was thinking.. either your partner is with you already or won’t be leaving for too long so your baby/children won’t be left for too long however if you literally had nobody to check on you then what happens then? It’s really stupid of me because some partners will be away for long stretches of time too but regardless even 1 hr of your child being alone is too much! I’m really glad to see I’m not alone in this though and I think thinking about these things are good because you can at least think of ways to keep your baby safe should something happen and they end up alone! @Kalyn thank you for the name of the app.. I was thinking if there isn’t something like this out there already then I was going to make it but now I don’t have to, I can just install this loool

Ugh yeah, I'd have it all the time. I'd be weeks before anyone noticed if they even would. We shouldn't be on our own it's not natural to be on our own when our babies are so young. We're meant to have a man in the home and being surrounded by a village. I read about a woman who had twins, she got ill. Had no one to ask for help or to check in and she died at home and then her babies starved to death. If it makes you feel better you could ask a neighbour (if you don't have family or friends) to check in on you via text message once a day and give them a spare key. It's a very real possibility. Don't let it upset you too much. There's a solution out there for you so you're not worrying and are as safe as you can be🫂 xx

@D don’t leave your front door unlocked though because just remember if your child can easily get out in case of an emergency then firstly, they can also get out when they shouldn’t be and secondly, it leaves you open to intruders and with a child that’s the last thing you want! There would also need a protocol so your child actually knows where they will go once outside the home. Who would be best for her to go to for help, are their roads etc.

I live with my parents right now, so baby would be found, but I'm hoping to move out in the next few months, and I've thought about it a lot. Hopefully, she'd be okay for a while because, generally, I have snacks and water bottles of hers within reach. But I don't generally talk to anyone on a daily basis, so it makes me nervous. I just hope that if something were to happen, someone would notice before it was too late.

I try and ease my mind that my mom would know something was up she’s a super woman with senses I swear and calls me everyday. I’m not single but my fiancé works long hours so barely home. It’s a fear. I also have a fear if something happened would I be able to run long enough to save us both? You know carrying an extra 30 pounds is tough it’s a raging fear of mine especially since I’ve had my asthma flare up lately When I had my first asthma attack recently again I thought I was gonna die I was so scared my child would be in the house alone it’s scary

@Hannah do you not have family that have a spare key? Or maybe a close trusted friend?

@Hashana yep my mum has one but if she's in work she could potentially leave but she'd be 40 minutes

@Shay just think to yourself the chances of that happening are VERY LOW!!! Especially now you’ve had that thought many times, even once. Now I think about it it has crossed my mind once but it quickly went out my head because I thought afterwards “naaah that ain’t gonna happen” obviously I can’t be 100% sure there’s still a chance but it can’t be good for us to worry about certain things like this otherwise it may stop us from fully enjoying our lives and cause a lot of stress for your body especially if it’s something where chances are low.

@Hannah well you could knock on a neighbours door to borrow their phone and maybe ring the police and tell them the situation or get someone to help you get in somehow like breaking a window or something Lol or booting down the door.

I’m not a single mom but I think this whenever my husband leaves the house and I’m feeding my son. What if I die here and drop my son and my husband isn’t back for hours?! I also have severe severe health anxiety and I don’t think these are normal thoughts/fears to have regularly

I’m actually surprised to see so many people think this way! I thought I was just crazy tbh

@Cierra I think it is normal to a certain extent but of course if it is starting to overwhelm you or disrupts your daily life then that’s not right at all.. @Hannah about 2 ish years ago one of my neighbours I never spoke to came knocking on my door asking to use my phone.. I didn’t have a phone at the time and told her so, then she said she is locked outside and her baby is on the inside😵‍💫.. my partner at the time was in the shower but I got her phone and gave it to my neighbour and she called her partner to let her in. I told her while she was at it to call the office downstairs and they will open the door for her, she thanked me and I assume got into her flat as I didn’t see her again but I will never forget it because I told her I didn’t have a phone then conjured a phone up🤦🏽‍♀️🥴

Yeah, I'm a single mum and have had this thought many times especially when my girl was younger. My daughter is 3 and a half but doesn't know how to use my phone. There's nobody that would notice if something did happen to me as I'm not the best at replying quickly so it would probably be a week or so before anybody found us. My daughter can take herself to the toilet and has access to food and water on her shelf in the cupboard, she could also put a chair up against the fridge to get more food if she wanted to, all these things she's been able to do for well over a year. I think she'd be crying a lot and hopefully one of my neighbours would call the police or something even if it's to make a noise complaint.

@Claudia you know this is exactly the sort of thing that would reassure me, knowing that he had the ability to access a supply of food and water and independently use the toilet etc. so he could at least keep himself going until like you said, someone made a noise complaint. We are obviously nowhere near that though and if he gets out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, the first thing that’s accessible to him is the chemicals under the sink which I have been trying to pressure the council to fix the cupboard for months now! And if he got into the bathroom he will most likely go straight for the toilet brush🤦🏽‍♀️. My neighbour hates our guts so he wouldn’t be coming to our aid either 🙄

@Shay do you have family or friends you are close to? If you do, explain how you are feeling and what you are worried about. They may be able to call you or text you everyday to check on you. The thing is like, as much as you shouldn't feed anxiety (eg by getting someone to check in), your fears are valid and you are just thinking about your son. In the meantime, are you able to fix the cupboard yourself, or move the chemicals out of reach? If you post a picture of the cupboard I can ask the handyman at work what parts you need and if its doable. If it's a case of replacing hinges this can be a quick and easy fix (cheap too).

@Claudia no I think I have this anxiety mainly because I have not a single soul around me. My family are local to me with my mum and some cousins just 5/10 mins away from me and yet I haven’t seen or spoken to them in over 7 years! I have no friends and my ex moved out at the beginning of this yr. so now I will have to start making new connections🥴. As for the kitchen, my son just isn’t allowed in there as the whole thing needs doing over, the whole counter is rotten so putting new fixings in there will just come out because of wood rot anyway. It will end up being a costly job just to sort out one little thing so the safest thing is to keep him out all together. Tbf even if he could access snacks and water in the cupboards his 16 months old and cannot open packets and bottles himself, he can’t even fully tip his water bottle to drink from it himself. I guess he will lift my top and feed from me but who knows how long there will be milk if I was dead🤦🏽‍♀️.

@Shay okay I understand, keep fighting with your landlord to get it sorted explain it's a hazard and you have an under 5 in the home. Yes this was my worry when my daughter was younger, when will the milk run out. Some packets he could maybe rip at this age like the bear snacks that used to be in paper but they are different now so idk