Help !!! Mum guilt + confused

I've been the sole caregiver putting my LO to sleep since he was born. He's breastfed and up until 6 months he wasn't aware who put him to sleep but after 6 months he refused to sleep with anyone but me. I still BF so he's extremely attached. Everytime my husband tried to put him to sleep he rejects him by pushing him away and screaming like he's been abandoned. My hubby and me planned we will push through a process where we break the cycle but it's got to a point that I can't wait another day to seek help so i asked my hubby to takw over tonight and he kept looking at me while my son was screaming in his ears and pushing him away. I was hiding under the blanket so that my LO doesn't see me and my hubby kept looking at me and then said 'what are we doing'? (Which I think is common sense, if I've given him the baby to carry it means put out him to sleep) obv by asking me that question my son saw me (albeit, my hubby think he already could see me under the blanket) and then we got into an argument where i said in frustrated being the only one putting him to sleep. My LO also ends up scratching me alot while feeding and i try to stop it but he gets frustrated and angry with me. My hubby got annoyed and said why am i blamming him for everything? I don't understand what part of asking for help or I'm tired and just bloody take over makes me sound like I'm blamming him? I did say, I'm tired of always being the only one that can do this(is that called blamming? idk?) He's now walked away in the other room with my baby and said we don't need you, I'll take him away and deal with it. My son has been screaming his lungs off for the last 10 mins non stop. Some say let them cry out, they fall asleep eventually BUT its so hard to listen to him cry. Shall I walk in and take him? It would definitely piss my other half off since he stormed out. Not sure if I'm going crazy but i feel it's starting to effect our relationship. Any suggestions?

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What did you end up doing? It’s been almost 50 mins since you posted so I’m assuming your little one is asleep already. It’s a really tough one but you also need to take yourself out the room when he is trying to put your LO down. Try and get him to put him down for naps too so the baby can get use to it. The thing is, they will learn that if they cry, mummy will come and take over and so it will become a behavioural thing too. Sometimes I just have to walk away from the situation and have my son not be able to see me for him to calm down. It’s a stressful time, nobody is blaming anyone, I think your both just a bit flustered but it will get easier with time, repetition and you both supporting one another so you can work to strengthen your bond, not break it down. Take a breather and it will get better🫂

My little girl was breast fed but stopped about a month ago and just cuddles to sleep with me. She's the same as your little boy just wants me, I've done every bedtime since she's been born other than 4 2 my partner has done and she's screamed for hours he's been on the phone asking me when I'm coming home the other 2 with my mum who she snuggles into and sleeps. It's my Christmas night out in 5 weeks and I don't want to be asked from literally when I get there what time will you be in. It's hard doing every bedtime and sometimes every nap other than when we're in the car and she nods off!

I've suggested he tries bedtime but he doesn't want to and I can't handle the arguments or upset baby xx

@Shay i ended up going into the room after 15 mins as he was crying so badly like his lungs were going to explode. MY partner is an amazing Dad and a gem of a person but has always struggled to put him to bed and although he understands that lack of sleep and my baby scratching me can ruin a persons mental stability, I also think he doesn't quite get it UNLESS I'm the bad person here. I end up shouting at him when he's the calm one in general, however yesterday he lost it at me saying i just abandoned my son when he is probably falling sick. He wouldn't give my son to ne when i went into the room so I asked him not to make a scene infront of the LO as it might scare him. He did give my boy to me but then continued to say I'm a horrible mom (which he has never said to me before) and just for a few scratches i just abandoned my LO and complaining abiut my son pinching and scratching me (implying i shoild have just put him in a baby carrier bag and he would have gone 2sleep especially when he might b faling ill

Idk anymore and my hubby ended up saying I look like an ugly person to him atm and that he's only talking to me because of our LO. He's never been this way b4. This makes me feel its my fault and my son wokeup this morning sounding like he's got a congestion, so clearly i may have caused it. The only rain i waited 15 mins because I've read so many mums saying 10 mins of crying is ok and they eventually fall asleep(i hated this idea of allowing him to cry, it took alot from me to sit and listen to him crying last night) then i waited the additional 5 mins just so that i don't walk in and ruin all that work my hubby was struggling to do but clearly he saw it another way.

I’m sorry but at the end of the day, he decided to walk out into another room with the baby where you had to listen from outside so how did YOU abandon your baby? No that’s total BS and he is just bringing crap up now because his feelings are hurt. Also just because your son woke up with congestion this morning doesn’t mean that is your fault.. he could have woke up that way regardless how he went to sleep last night. Also him coming to you and saying the stuff he has just because of one night of struggling putting the baby to sleep is already an issue. It’s not your problem he can’t settle your son and if the mere thought of slowly working on it himself isn’t a possibility without throwing insults at you then you honestly need to either get to the bottom of this or consider the future for you both. Have a serious conversation with him and ask him where he sees you both in a year from now.. in what capacity because the vibe he is giving off is that he doesn’t want to be there anymore

A baby being congested isn't your fault and your hubby was out of line. Perhaps try putting LO to bed and to sleep without being held etc first.. You could give the initial cuddles, change etc then put him down in his cot but then walk out. If he is able to go to sleep without you this way first he might be better with someone else slowly adding in bits they do

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