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No wtf that your husband and the babies father. It’s a 50/50 deal. As much as he needs his “alone time” you do too without the baby on you.
Stop making dinner and get your break. If he complains tell him you had to do one or the other since he only has baby 2 hours.
Absolutely not. In my house I normally do the cooking and then my husband cleans and then I go relax(usually a bath) for like an hour. Your husband gets to be on a break from work where you never do so that time is important so you don’t go crazy lol. Cooking and cleaning is not a break just because he has the baby. And he should change his attitude and be happy to spend time with his child after work and not see it like a chore.
@Halah thank you for your swift response! Unfortunately, I feel like I am a burden when I ask him to do those things. Though I clean while l cook which means there are little to no dishes it seems like he is a bit annoyed when I ask him.
@Erika thank you for your swift response as well! I will try but he wants to do his “hobby time” and everytimeI bring it up we get into a HUGE argument.
@Shanea haha! Good point! Thanks for the advice — I guess it’s the guilt I have for not doing the “motherly/wife duties” BUT I am going to take this advice and try it tomorrow! 😊
@Bella Gerry right!! I love your response and honesty, thank you! 😊💕 so this evening, I feel like the baby felt him not being happy with the comment I made and the baby cried for our entire argument. I saw my husband get frustrated at the baby. I hear the baby cry ALL THE TIME and I never would once get mad at the baby because he cries. A SHAME!! I feel like I’m the bad guy here since I even mentioned that I wanted him to take care of the baby even though he has done his hobby for the past 3 days ..
Babies definitely feed off energy! I’m sorry it seems like he’s having a hard time really connecting with baby. I would say you really have to prioritize when you have a new baby. Don’t be afraid if the house isn’t as kept up as before. Concentrate on cleanliness but clutter can happen. If you don’t get to folding the laundry or picking everything up you’ll be okay! Take the time your baby naps to rest 🥰 If he has a problem with that later he can pick up the slack.
@Bella Gerry yes they do! He expects so much out of me 😭 and I may just overcompensate.. for example I left the laundry out since yesterday unfolded and today he tells me “you better fold those clothes” like geez. He HATES clutter and expects me to clean it up always or he gets frustrated when he comes home to clutter or a bit of a mess when he has to clean it. He makes me feel like I am crazy!
@Bella Gerry thank you very much for your advice and taking the time to respond!
Oh my gosh I’m so sorry! You are a better woman than I am for being able to put up with that 😂that would not fly for me😅 have you described what a day in your life looks to him? Maybe he doesn’t understand all you do🤷🏽♀️
So there was a day where I asked him to watch the baby while I went to my pampering appointments (approx. 2 1/2 hours). He told me that he doesn’t understand how I do it everyday because it is was extremely hard for him to lug the baby with him and if he needed to go to the store or if the baby cried it was just too much. I thought that day he understood that it was challenging to have a baby and do those things because he has told me to go to Costco, Safeway, and Sprouts to get stuff for him while I have the baby in one single day — that didn’t last for too long lol. So idk, maybe entitlement because he left his parents house at 36 to live with me in my own apartment.. who knows ..
That could definitely be it, he’s used to having it really easy. I think the last thing I would try is playing into the fact that guys like to feel needed. Just lean into your emotions and how hard of a time you’re having and explain how he can help. And try just the one hour relaxation in your own room or something so it’s not like you’re asking for a lot. So sorry you’re going through this but you’re not crazy. It’s just a hard time to learn about his entitlement issues and I’m sure you’ll work through them🥰
Nope. Maternity leave is not a vacation wth. He needs to help you so you can focus on the baby. I’m so sorry you’re going through this
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@Bella Gerry thank you very much 💕
@Daisy thank you for your response. Yeah he just doesn’t get it. He thinks I’m lazy or I make excuses at every chance I get. So unfortunate 😭
This happened to me I went on strike. When the baby would cry I would wake him up I’d refuse to get up from the bed force him to do it. I left the bottles where I’d wash one when I needed it so that he’d have to wash them. Stopped making him lunches stopped doing anything for him. Guess who started to complain? You guessed it. It was honestly ironically funny to hear the most idiotic words come out of his mouth. “Whens the last time YOU washed the bottles?, Whens the last TIME YOU WOKE UP WITH HIM?” Oh u mean like Ive done for the past 7 months 🧐 Although my bds a dimwit and didn’t get the point. And we live with his family so ofc his family was like “omg ur doing everything you need to sleep” to inflate his ego. Anyways kinda worked for me in the way where I got a break from being burnt out and much needed sleep by force. So worse comes to worse 10/10 recommend.
This doesn’t seem like a fair distribution of family labor. You’re carrying more than your fair share of the load.
Meh. I see it this way - you're being paid to be on maternity leave so from 8-5 you're on baby duty while husband is working. After 5pm it should be shared equally, otherwise it isn't fair on your husband as he is working all day. 2 hours doesn't sound like 50% of the evening.... to me it sounds like if you then take the baby for 2 hours after that (while he is doing his hobby), then he needs to take the baby for another 2 hours after so you can relax (no cleaning, no cooking). Something isn't balanced. If you imagine everything pre- and post- your husband being at work as shared responsibility time, what does it look like? If you're cleaning/cooking when he has the baby, perhaps he should be doing something when you have the baby, rather than his hobby? Also when are you guys spending time together? I'd need to watch a movie with my hubby or something every few days or I'd get very sad and lonely.
@Cienna good on you for doing this and understanding the fam dynamic
https://youtu.be/DVbKmQ7Hmlk?si=kJmCyCN1--OqI3KA This song really gave me a good perspective of what our husbands do for us. ❤️
@Bella Gerry same! Ya if my husband is home he is doing much more then 50/50 tbh.
You're not wrong. Can't you cook before he's back from work? and then when he's back he has the baby for those 2 hours whilst you have a break. Ask him to do the clean up after dinner