Porn behind my back again!
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This really sounds like you may need therapy to get over your own trauma. He may like watching porn & that’s fine. He’s allowed private time for himself. You shouldn’t be going through his search history, it’s such an invasion of privacy. Confronting him is the same as shaming him which could really be unhealthy in a relationship
@Shola he’s stated he doesn’t want to do it and wants to stop… however that could just be because not many people are going to say “i enjoy doing it” to their other half in this situation
I also agree you shouldn’t be going through his search history. I’d only do that if I had a gut feeling he was cheating on me with an actual connection
@Ebony Rose If OP has a problem with him watching porn then he probably does want to stop for her sake. Which is probably why he’s being so secretive. The question here is it fair for him? Unless he has a porn addiction it seems like the problem is with OP and her own negative feelings toward porn
I understand that Porn is okay in some relationships and to work through your trauma, but it’s more than just that. It’s respecting each other’s boundaries. He KNOWS it makes you feel uncomfortable and he still chooses that over your emotions, which is not okay. He needs to work through that just like you need to work through your trauma. It doesn’t matter if it’s an emotional connection or lust…he is not taking into consideration how you feel while you are trying to understand him. I do agree to not go through his phone or laptop, but he put you in a position where trust was all lost with the lying. It’s not just on him and it’s not just on you.
Personally I think you need to either accept that he watches it or leave. You lay your boundary at the beginning of the relationship and he’s broken it over & over. People don’t have to respect our boundaries, but then it’s our prerogative to deal with it. Not everyone can meet & match our boundaries. It shouldn’t ever be forced. And you’re trying to force it on him. He obviously likes watching it & having alone time. Which is fine. It’s allowed. But then it’s on YOU to decide what the solution is now. Not him. There’s no point setting boundaries if you’re not going to do anything when they get broken.
You definitely have a point Amelia…if he’s not willing to stop breaking that boundary that you have laid out multiple times, then it’s on you to decide if it’s worth it. Respecting each other’s boundaries is very important, but like Amelia said, not everyone can when it comes to something they truly enjoy. Being forced to do something is not good. If he really wanted to stop he would have or would have tried. A positive is, your sex life is still good regardless of porn being an issue or not…a lot of couples sex life ends when porn is involved.
I would tell him to hear you out! Have a proper good conversation about how it makes you feel etc and get down to the bottom of it. Explain that if he’s feeling horny, to let you know. I understand it’s different for every one and because you’ve told him from the start to not do it it’s a lot more disrespectful. In my relationship I don’t mind as I know it’s not an emotional connection, he’s just getting off over ‘bodies’😅 but I do understand it’s a very controversial subject. If he’s saying he does want to stop but feels like he can’t, maybe get him to put a block on adult content. I have it on my phone (not by choice, I just haven’t changed it). Then he cannot easily find porn. Maybe get it on the laptop too. I know if someone wants to find it they will but it’s a lot harder to x