TMi warning but i need some advice

so me and my husband have 2 children and for about 9 months he didn’t want to have sex at all so i self pleasured (not with toys because i didn’t want him to find them and throw a fit) for about 6 months now he’s still not really wanting to do it but when he does it’s the same position no foreplay and he seems to take forever it really knocks me confidence and it doesn’t really feel good i’ve tried talking to him about it because i’ve always very much liked foreplay and like the build up of it all but he said he doesn’t want to do foreplay it does nothing for him and he doesn’t like bjs so it would be pointless me even doing it which is fine because i’m not really a fan either but if he wanted me too i would it’s now got to the point where i feel like sex is just a chore and i always end up having to self pleasure after i’ve tried talking about it and i get the same reply which is he doesn’t like doing foreplay he would rather just get down to it i end up feeling worse than when we started but he won’t even let me on top because “it’s not the rhythm he likes” i’m not sure if i’m just being selfish but i feel like a serial wanker
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Oh girl... that has to be frustrating. First I would say that if he's not giving you what you've communicated to him that you want then he has no right to be mad about you using toys! Is this new for him? He seems a bit selfish...

@Melissa This is new ish it’s slowly been dying down over the years when we first got together he was down for everything and then we had our first and we was still doing it when we could with foreplay and then when i got pregnant with our second he stopped touching me while i was pregnant using the i don’t wanna hurt the baby like and even for nearly a year after i gave birth which really didn’t help my PND because he would always reject me and now it’s just i’m gonna put it in i’m gonna get myself of and if u get off then it’s a bonus but if not then my needs are met but even for that i have to wait months until he’s ready because if i try he tells me he’s not in the mood and i’m tired of the rejection but they way it is now it’s just not worth it at all every time i try to talk about it it ends up in an argument because he’s not really listening i would pour my heart out and i would get a blank stare a you’re over reacting and then that’s the end of the talk

Oh oh oh been there. Know what I did. I set my husband down and asked him "did you know I've not been getting off during sex?" "Did you know I've been doing it myself after you are done?" Depending on the answers to those 2 questions depends how the conversation goes. I explained that I was starting to not want to even bother and I feel like a used cum rag.

Firstly, no grown man should throw a fit over sex toys unless it was taking up your sex life. It’s even worse that he doesn’t want to have sex and you say he’d still throw a fit. It’s your body and your choice at the end of the day. Buy those toys and tell him why. Or more so I would recommend therapy. People don’t stop wanting to have sex for no reason. Even if it’s a medical thing that he can’t help, there are treatments and all it takes is a convo with a doctor to know what’s going on. Foreplay is so easy and fun though. Even dirty talk can help. If masturbation is easy for the both of you, why not do mutual masturbation? Then you can tell each other how fast to do it etc. The rhythm thing as well, has he told you how he likes it? Even if you’re on top, if he wants you to go faster he can also help guide you as long as you’re comfortable with it and enjoying it too. It’s just about meeting each other halfway and I’m sorry you’re feeling this way and he’s not meeting you there

I’d say find the cause. That’s the only way forward. If he doesn’t want to help you with that then I don’t think he’s going to change to be honest. I get it as well if he’s afraid to say anything but it’s not going to get better unless he tries. It’s not fair for you to do all the work and him none

Jeez, if I shown my partner this his reaction would be WTF 🤨. As he loves foreplay, both giving and receiving! Plus, what kind of bloke doesn't like his woman being on top?! I'm sorry, but he's either lost interest in sex which is why he clearly finds it boring and tedious, or he's a selfish, lazy lover! Either way, I'd be seriously talking to him about this as it's totally unfair!

Sounds silly but could he be depressed? I’ve heard of this with men when they are depressed

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