Miracle!

My husband used to be a bad alcoholic before we got together. It caused his last marriage to split. He fell back into it while I was pregnant and so I left. He is now sober and we are back together. He was verbally abusive when I was pregnant but he had shown me he changed when I came back. These last few days he has been stressed with this home buying process along with his work and school. He has verbally abused me again. He told me he wants a divorce even. Today we made up and he wants to move forward. My entire family is worried about me again. I am so glad we are not splitting but I also don’t want to be arrogant or pretend like he doesn’t need some counseling. Any thoughts or suggestions with this guilt I feel for beginning again with him? Any truth to hear about men who have actually changed their behaviors?

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Is he going to AA meetings? Therapy? Taking medicine? Addiction can’t really be self managed. Alcoholism is for life, so he has to have a realistic action plan in place to maintain sobriety or have the proper support when he is falling short or going through times where his tendency to use it as a coping mechanism triggers him. You should go to Al-Anon! They have zoom meetings everywhere literally all day and you should have some local to you as well! It is so so helpful when on the other side of someone’s alcoholism! Highly recommend! You don’t even have to engage or be on camera…just pop in and listen and participate as you can! https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/

My ex husband is an alcoholic/ honestly I can only speak that he never got better. The only time he got better was when he did love bombing. And once he thought he had me trapped in the relationship again the abuse came back. When I did finally kick his ass out (one of the straws that broke the camel back is he came home from a sports game with his work buddies super drunk making loud noise at 1am wanting hold my daughter when she was like 1, he was so drunk he couldn’t find his way home from the driveway. 😑) when i finally kicked him out for good I found so many hidden beer cans in the garage!! And also saying he wants a divorce and the next day wanting to make it work is an emotional abuse tactic used by narcissists. So is love bombing. I would also research DARVO to be safe. But I also agree with the above comment that he needs to be going to AA consistently. He needs a sponsor. Holidays will be rough because there is so much drinking so he will need professional help.

@Lyss thank you for sharing your story and for the information

Im going to be frank here, why is he not exploring these options ..this is his addiction and he should taking it seriously. Listen to me as its hard to but hear it..he will not get help unless he actually wants to stop and have help, as much as you may want to line everything up and have the things in place he still has to stick to it but he won't unless it's actually what he wants. Is addressing his addiction does he admit to this addiction. I would look at all options because this will come back as addiction is for life and abuse will creep in and he will do all he can to keep his stuff hidden and you and your kid/kids will get the consequences, his addiction will come first. You have to know this is a long road especially if he isn't getting help and if you are ok with what may come next..

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