Feeling like a failure for c section
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Birth trauma and disappointment can be so hard to work through alone. Long term, I recommend speaking to a therapist who specializes in maternal health (you can look them up online and do phone consults if none are in your area). Short term, cover that baby of yours in kisses and try to remind yourself that your journey was so hard and that you are an absolute badass for making it through. This isn't quite the same thing, but I was suffering with infertility and a miscarriage as friends around me got pregnant and I had to allow myself to feel joy and sorrow at the same time. Maybe not the most helpful advice, but "fake it till you make it" had to work for me. It's interesting and difficult feeling dispair and joy simultaneously. On your little's first birthday, you could do some sort of a symbolic "rebirth" to take back that moment. You could plan something beautiful to do together, like mommy and me photos, and use it as a way to reclaim that day and make a better memory together.
I’m so sorry you had that experience. You can self refer to the perinatal mental health team in your area and I think it might be helpful. I also had a traumatic birth and was so disappointed I didn’t get the water birth or calm birth I envisioned but instead was rushed to theatre with a haemorrhage. The strangest things trigger you so of course your sister having a baby will bring this up. Ot was only 7 months ago! If you need distance thats okay. You have all the time to see her baby. You can be happy for her and still feel too upset to see her. Those feelings can live side by side. I really recommend speaking to someone. I am 11m PP and 12 weeks pregnant and I wish I had referred earlier. There is help if you want it 💕
Thanks ladies x 😢
Not sure there you're based but in UK most hospitals/trusts have some kind of clinic to have a birth debrief (ours was called the Better Birth clinic). She answered so many unanswered questions and helped with lots of similar feelings we had (emergency section after getting sepsis following 48 hours of labour etc) and I would really really recommend it. I thought I was OK with the birth as we both came out the other side safe, but having answers and someone to ask why things happened the way they did, was very helpful for both me and my partner. Good luck x
You feel like a "failure" but why? Was there something you did knowingly that led to your birth experience? No, there wasn't. It's just the circumstances you found yourself in and you and your team did what had to be done to safely bring your baby into the world. This obviously wasn't the birth experience you wanted and it's okay to grieve and feel jealous or annoyed that someone else isn't getting what you had wanted for yourself. If you need distance then you need distance. You will find peace with it all eventually. I know I did.