I want to split up with my partner - resentment
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@Rie thanks this is nice to hear as it’s really been a horrible journey trying to justify things and him just not getting it. I want another child which is the problem and we’ve got fertilised eggs that we both put or blood, sweat and tears in so I’m actually heartbroken at the thought that we won’t get to use them and feel that once I have a job they’ll be less resentment but yeh I don’t think I want to pay him back as his not even willing to take childcare off :-(
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Though he may be frustrated that he’s been the sole provider, asking you to reimburse him is insane please don’t pay him a dime. I’m not saying he’s a terrible person cause I don’t know him personally but that’s just something I feel should never be said, being a stay at home parent is not easy but I feel the working parent always thinks otherwise. In regard to your embryos that’s such a tough spot to be in so I definitely understand your position, I’m guessing you guys already have e pre-existing agreement in case of divorce. Just make sure to put yourself and baby first 🤍
Asking you to ‘pay him back’ is bizarre
He is being over the top and is wrong for it. If you took him to court for it, I guarantee they will deduct the child care cost (so probably around $400 per week/ about 20,000 for the year) and would only make you pay back HALF the bills since HE (and his child) benefited from those bills being paid too. More likely than not, it would probably end with you not paying anything. Both my husband and I went back to work after our daughter, but soo many of my friends did not after their 1st specifically because of how high daycare costs are (not to mention trusting a stranger with your baby all day). You made a decision based on what was right for you and your child and should not let him make you feel bad for that.
@Rie thanks for this we aren’t married which makes it even tougher!yes I feel I shouldn’t pay it back or at the worse case minus childcare costs.. thanks for your support 🤍
@Angie thanks so much as the guilt is such a gripping feeling so nice to know as in my heart I feel I’ve done what’s best for me and my child but not necessarily him and he wants me to put him first / it’s so hard when it comes to childcare and getting that right - immense pressure as a FTM
It’s not like you was off on holiday for a year you was being a mother to his child. He’s being totally unreasonable
@Kelly thanks yeh I feel like that as well and he knows it’s hard to look after her
Babe if he wants you to pay him back for providing for his family, which is his job, you should give him an invoice for taking care of his child first the first year. This is absolutely disgusting & you don’t deserve this
Adopt later in life? I know it's been a dream and invested so much into eggs.. why would you pay him back, for taking care of your children??? If you have another kid, it will be biggest regret.. he telling you no. He won't help.. men can detach emotion. Fire that Counsellor.. pay him back . If I worked, all money, would go daycare. I'll stay home instead no breaks And what human said going to court, you would have to pay him? Lol that most crazy advice I have ever heard. .... no one gets paid for childcare or babysitting your own kids. The best decision ever you did was take care of your baby yourself. I'm same way. Ppl look at me sideways all time( mostly americanised , or white ppl) as if me not using daycare is crazy.. why put 6 month old, 1 year old . No way. Husband knows nothing, they say it's difficult but really don't care. He's not family man of honor or should never had kid. It's he younger?
Child care isn’t cheap, your income would have covered the fees, that’s about it. Remember as a parent you don’t get the same privileges as an employee, breaks, holiday, sick leave, bonuses. Not only that but most stay at home mums run the house too and usually do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry etc… If this is the case for you, has he thought about that? He might be upset but he shouldn’t be asking for any money back. You should be looking to work together and help you get back into employment and gain some independence back.
Don't pay him. You don't owe shit. Being a SAHP **is**a full time physical and psychological job. What a bastard.
I know you don't want to hear this, but you SHOULD have discussed it with him before quitting your job and deciding to stay home, as this puts huge financial strain on him. I did the same as you with my first, but I know now that it was unfair and my ex had the right to be part of that decision. It's safe to say your relationship is over, so you need to find a way to move on and build your lives separately.
The whole thing has annoyed me. I dont understand men who want women to contribute financially tbh. Send him an invoice for childcare costs. That's a 24 hour job, 7 days a week. NO HOLIDAY PAY, NO SICK PAY and only then you will consider 'paying him back'.
Figure out a way to leave with your baby, you’re never too old to move back in with your parents if that’s an option. It’s nice that he was able to support his family for that time but for him to throw it back in your face is horrible. You have every right to resent him, don’t pay him a single cent. It’s not in writing so you’re not obligated to pay him anything, it was for his family for crying out loud. You got this mama!