Was it a dick move to tell my husband I have a minor crush on another guy?

You should be working on your marriage not looking at other men. It’s not that you shouldn’t have told him, you shouldn’t have the crush. That in and of itself is wrong. If you want to save your marriage I would contact a couples counselor so you guys can work on your issues. And stop going to wherever it is that you found this “crush”.

I agree partly with what @Makayla says. I do think now you should work on your marriage..maybe some counselling, date nights..get that romance flowing.. you can’t help who you crush on though..you’re not in control of things like that..”you can’t help who you love” type thing

@sarah My husband mocks counselling and hates the idea. Also we have nobody to babysit so we can’t have date nights

@sarah but I agree we need to work on our marriage

I think sometimes human beings are better off not mentioning crushes as their other half might well feel 'crushed' (sorry!) in this way when they found out. The only time when you really should is when you feel like acting on it, it wasn't just in passing, you're going to thoughts of this crush daily, at night, when you are with your other half, when you are getting intimate with your half or if you have changed how you feel towards your husband because of it. A new baby changes couples a lot and it takes adjusting to your new life. It can be difficult and challenging for both men and women. Do you not love him anyway whether you have a sexual relationship or not? You have to ask yourself this. What is your relationship with him based in? What do you absolutely require and is it realistic? You are living many other parents' real lived experiences right now.

Do at home date nites after the baby is put to bed maybe?

Surely it's normal to find other people attractive at times? I don't think you necessarily should have told him though, I'd imagine he feels very insecure about your relationship now

@Laurie finding someone attractive and having a crush are different. Having a crush on someone is bordering on an emotional affair.

I don't think you should have told him, as Laurie said he maybe insecure now which is not gonna want him to sleep with you as he will feel you are thinking of someone else, you need to talk to him, try and make a effort both sides, yes it's tiring being a stay at home parent... But we also have to make time for our partners for them to feel loved and wanted as sometimes they can feel rejected because of the baby which makes them push away and focus elsewhere... Men also have the stress and the evolution way of thinking of 'I am man I have to provide for my family keep everything flowing' which does add stress to them and they don't show it, but if neither of you are making a effort in the relationship it will just dwindle and die, think of it as a new relationship you've gotta start again in a sense x

Considering the state of y’all relationship it wasn’t smart to tell him especially if you aren’t acting on it. The crush shouldn’t be there in the first and its normal for him to react “ badly “. Me n BD don’t have any help or support either we work around the baby. Get intimate when baby is sleep and do date nights at the house or go out with the baby.

Is there any reason why you guys haven’t had sex in so long?

@Sorayda I understand. He did ask me and in a sense push me for the answer so I ended up feeling like I should be honest and not lie. We haven’t had sex because we struggle to find the right moment and are both exhausted all the time. I still haven’t had a full night sleep and the birth was 18 months ago. I’m breastfeeding still and my sex drive is low (I still want to do it though, in the way I want to want to) and so is his it seems as he never mentions it or initiates it.

I guess I’d ask you what do you hope to accomplish by telling him? Of course it upset him as it would upset anyone in a committed relationship. Is it to try to tell him how out of the touch you’re feeling in the marriage? Is it an attempt to push for a bigger change to work on marriage? Unless you said it to hurt him, it’s probably that you are feeling guilty about these feelings and trying to find a way to bring you guys closer together. If that’s the case tell him you you want to work on it and then take clear steps together

If he’s not into counseling there’s some good books you can get to prompt more conversations and there’s at home dates for sure. Even just a 5 minute daily check in to talk about each other (no kids, money, etc) but about how you’re doing.

Moms get lonely and I’m just wondering how you developed a crush on someone else. Is it someone you all know or you hang out with. I think it’s that social isolation that you are seeking. Men def have a hard time going to counseling esp if all they do is work. Maybe every Sunday plan a family date. One week will be his idea and switch. Give you both motivation to get ready and talk about something else

I think if I was asked directly I would say I find someone attractive, rather than saying I have a crush. I am not in the habit of lying but I just think this feels less like an emotional / romantic thing. Also I think if he is asking this, the more important thing is to focus on your relationship. Clearly you still care for one another or he wouldn't have asked, so I'd be talking openly with him about working on crushing for each other again

Maybe try taking charge? be the one to start it , wear sum nice or do sum you know gets him in the mood. Giving him a massage after he comes home from working while wearing sum nice n smelling decent might work? You know your partner best Lack of attention from our partner sometimes makes ppl seek validation from other ppl , sometimes even things. He’s pouring himself into work instead of you , u just have to “ shift” his interest same as yours! Spice things up in the relationship

I’d be absolutely heartbroken if my husband told me he fancied another woman. Put yourself in his shoes for a moment and think about how you’d feel if the situation was reversed. You both need to put in the effort to make the marriage work. Can you go for a walk each day and just chat whilst baby is napping? Sometimes you just need to get out of the environment and the conversation will start flowing.