Breastfeeding Grief

Wondering if anyone can relate to feeling grief about their breastfeeding journey not going the way you hoped it would. I’m a first time mom and my milk came in pretty late (4-5 days after birth). We had to triple feed from the start and it took about a month before we could just exclusively breastfeed. It was going well and then I got mastitis in mid October. That completely decimated my supply and I never recovered. Currently combination feeding but having to supplement a ton with formula and think that at some point I’ll probably have to give up since my body is just not cooperating. I really am grieving the loss of that connection/special time with my little one and the convenience of being able to console him just by breastfeeding. I never was really that attached to the idea of breastfeeding before I had my son, but now the thought of having to go completely to formula someday is really upsetting. I’m also frustrated that the lactation consultants I’ve worked with weren’t able to tell me why this happened or give me advice that would fix it. Feeling very let down by my own body and the system.

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Hi momma! I can absolutely relate to this but please know that your baby knows exactly who their mommy is and your connection will not be affected whether you breast or bottle feed. There are so many awesome perks to bottle feeding - but most importantly your baby will be even better because their mommy will be less stressed :)

i definitely relate. breastfeeding started out okay for us, but my daughter was always on the small side (since the womb) and her pediatrician wanted us to supplement with formula. well after a couple months of combo feeding my baby started to prefer the bottle so much that she refused to nurse. she would scream bloody murder and push away from me when i tried to feed her. she would switch between wanting boob for a few days then refusing again. it was awful. so then i started pumping too and that was a whole other nightmare. by 8 months i couldn’t do it anymore and switched to formula only. it was hard cause i wanted to exclusively BF so bad, and i just felt like a failure and that my baby didn’t want me. i’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s really hard. if you ever want to chat or vent my dms are open 🫶🏽

I can totally relate. I assumed I'd be a milkmaid. In hindsight, I was not well prepared for how it actually worked. This is even with going on a course prior to birth. I still feel let down by the poor standard of education. They just said your milk will come in in 3-5 days. It's supply and demand, and it can be hard work but lovely. There was nothing about needing to feed/pump every 2-3 hours or the golden hours. I now advise pregnant friends to make a feeding/first 2 weeks PP plan as I went through a lot of disruption, which I believe impacted my supply. I was only sitting at about 20% breast to 80% formula initially, got to 40% by week 6, then randomly it shot up to 80% in week 8, and I have no clue why. I'm happy I have at least been able to breastfeed but with all the stats on how good it is for baby I blame myself (even though it's not fully my fault) for not being able to give her as much goodness as possible. It's taken a long time to realise fed is best, but I still look back on it with sadness x

I hope you manage to feel better about it in time and feel less upset with your own body. I'm not sure where you're based, but in the UK, breastfeeding preparation and education are very poor. They're so focussed on the birth (which I feel like I was over prepared for) and don't give the right/enough support pp x

I relate to this so much. I read this to help release some of that grief https://a.co/d/eUjjE3B

I can also relate. My milk didn’t come in for 10 days after a bad haemorrhage after birth. It’s been a constant struggle since of nursing, pumping and formula feeding. I’m coming to the end now at nearly 5 months and feel sad about it 🙁 It wasn’t anything like I had anticipated. I tried everything I could think of to increase my supply, to no avail. It is a grieving process which not everyone gets. Some people say just stop, for your own sanity and mental health but us as mommas are so determined to keep going when we think it’s best for our little ones x

Hi, I'm so sorry you are feeling like you are nearing ending your breastfeeding journey before you are ready. It sounds like you've had a rough time of it. Can I ask how you treated the mastitis? Just because it's really unusual for it to affect supply like that. I would recommend finding your local La Leche League, they have trained breastfeeding counsellors who can help you through these feelings and potentially help you build your breastfeeding back up too. https://laleche.org.uk/find-lll-support-group/

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, I know it’s hard and I struggled a lot at the beginning as well, I was able to breastfeed for 2 years but the beginning was very hard. If you want to continue doing this is very possible, the important thing is that YOU make that decision because YOU want to and not bc you feel forced or guilty. You can shoot me a message and I can give you some tips, I’ll be happy to help and share some knowledge. Relactation is very possible . It’s okay to feel down and sad when things don’t go our way 😔 I got mastitis 4 times when I breastfed 😖 I know the struggle.

@Alicia I also began reading this book and it’s been so so helpful!

Thanks everyone for the support! It has made me feel much less alone! Taking it day by day and slowly feeling better about the combination feeding.

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