Fed up today!

Visiting MIL abroad for the week. Since I got pregnant I have had a really hard time with her but managed to keep my cool since she lives on another continent… But carrying some serious hurt and resentment over things she did and said when she came to visit in Feb, and more over the phone since then. I really feel like I need to address all of this as it’s still festering in my head and I’m tired of being angry. The challenge is that she is extremely sensitive, I’ve never needed to raise a difficult topic with her til now (somehow!) and I’m very conflict avoidant. So I’ve just been letting it simmer 🙈 Until today in person (3days into 6day visit) when she wanted to squeeze 3 adults into the back of the car alongside LO in car seat and I point blank refused. (There was zero need as there was a second car available to spread out and it was for a visit to a park, nothing essential). She kept pushing back until I had to very firmly refuse and told her me and LO would not come if she insisted on doing it. Apparently she was in tears about it after and things are awkward now. I know I was probably more forceful than I would normally be because of the underlying anger that I still have, but at the same time I’m glad I stood my ground on this and think it was pretty unreasonable of her to try pressure me into taking a totally unnecessary safety risk. I’m kind of hoping this mini conflict can open the door to resolving the bigger stuff but not really sure how and when to shift the convo there… my husband reckons a) in writing and b) after this visit so we can still have a nice visit and have a level headed exchange but part of me feels like it’s a bit of a cop out to not be honest to her face (nicely) I know there are others here navigating tricky in law situations so appreciate any advice and / or commiserations!
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To me, your husband is the one who should be leading the way with this conversation, especially where safety is concerned, its not up to you to write a letter!

Face to face is the way forward I think! As they say only 90% is the words you use, it’s all tone, body language, facial expressions. She’ll see that you’re hurt, anxious etc and hopefully share more empathy towards you. I get that it’s difficult but I’d think try to do it asap, then hopefully last few days you can start to rebuild some type of relationship. It was definitely right of you to say no to all squeezing in the car, naughty of her to try force you to. Husband should’ve also said no to be fair. However I think coming from you makes more of a stronger point. Example; my partners Nan posted my LO in the bath on fb, could see her noonie (and we also just don’t post her online) he said ‘Nan you can see her privates can you take down.’ She apparently went ‘no you can’t it’s fine’ I didn’t even know if this then I see the photo, spoke to him he told me so I messaged her. She straight away deleted it. Stand your ground and share your feelings

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