“I’m the bread winner I can do whatever I want”

.....I would leave. I'd be on edge. I grew around this. Save the kids.

@Ashley I did too and I fear I’ve gotten myself and our children in to the same situation 😭 I am very much so considering leaving. I think I need to find a job first to gain that confidence

Definitely financial abuse. Get a job and support system in place and start getting yourself out of there safely… that’s scary to think that he just let you and your babies be in such a possibly dangerous situation because of his addictions. What if they didn’t just rob you. This is the kind of behavior that you have to put you and the kid’s safety first over everything. And as a child of a drug addict and alcoholic (both parents) know they are unpredictable in their behavior so please be safe.

If you left, would he want the children around? If so, I would stay and just be on top of your game. If you think for right now that he'd say he doesn't want to be a father.... I would move out of state, assuming you're in the USA. I would be scared to send him away, alone with my children, knowing he's on drugs....

And any time you are not treated as an equal or fairly that’s also a big red flag that it’s time to go.

He is totally in the wrong. If it feels safe to do so you need to have tough conversations with him to say this behaviour doesn’t work for you and you need to be a team and a family. If he’s not willing to give up the drugs and ease up the drinking by a lot then I think it would be better for you and the kids if you leave. His mentality is all wrong!!

@Ashley this is a huge concern for me as I wouldn’t want to split custody and have him watching the children without me there. That’s what’s kept me put so long. I’m in Australia, and my family is all here so couldn’t move states but I am definitely concerned about this.

@Lyss I agree 😖

@Kathryn I’ve tried approaching this conversation in so many ways. This is how this actually came up. I try to communicate and I’m told to get over it, stop going on about things, that I make a big deal out of everything ect. So I don’t even think I have any options of communication left.

@Lyss I agree. Could not believe it to put us in dangers way. And then to think it’s not that big of a deal. I have nothing left to give here but a concerned about leaving because do not want to share any custody with him.

Take notes, record everything, gather evidence, look for jobs, and leave. Move in with friends or family while you do, if you can. Could you look for emergency housing? Seek full custody. Your all need to be safe and you aren't safe with him.

Did you file a police report? I would document everything… and try to get custody- do not tell him your plans of leaving if you decide to leave. Talk to a lawyer and find out your options. When I kicked out my ex husband and fought for custody I made the courts make him go for weekly drug/alcohol testing. And I was able to make sure he had minimal time with them and you can fight for him to have only supervised visits so that way the kids are safe. My ex doesn’t have to do it anymore but my kids were able to get a little older in the process so by the time they had to see him more often they have become old enough to speak up for themselves and to tell me anything, I may need to know.

That sounds like gaslighting. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. As others have said I would start gathering evidence that if it comes to a custody battle you could supply that to make sure he doesn’t get those kind of rights. It sounds like he isn’t capable of looking after you or your kids :(

Id get a job and run. Living in this situation is extremely dangerous. It can cause physical, mental and emotional harm to your children which could result in CPS getting involved. It also sets the example that these are normal behaviors to participate in or its normal to recieve this abuse and take it. Addicts of course deserve a second chance, but they have to earn that chance with remorse and sobriety. Alanon is a great free resource for those that have a loved one living with addiction. Its just like AA or NA but for the family to have support. Its helped me imensley and im hoping it might help you build the confidence to decide what is right for you and your family, just like it helped me. No judgement, just support.

The Orange Door Help for people who are experiencing family violence or who need support with the care and well-being of children and young people. Look up these people; in Australia there is help if you need it. Start documenting everything he does, including the time, date, and what he says. I am also in Australia, so I have looked all of this up. They take financial abuse very seriously, and he is also mentally abusing you as well. I am here if you need someone to talk to.

Making money does not allow your husband to do whatever he wants. There are still laws, and there are still consequences for his actions. The consequence for not providing a safe home for your family is that they leave you to find a safe home. That is what the money is supposed to be for, providing a safe home. If he's not doing that, it doesn't matter to you at all that he has cash for beer. I'm sorry this is happening. You've got a hard lift with three little ones, but do what you can to get out and start working. Your babies (and you ❤️) need a safe home. 🏠

I have been recommended to go to al-anon and will definitely go. He does gas light me a lot and is emotionally abusive. Unless I just shut my mouth then there is no peace here for me. I will take notes from today on and make reports where necessary until I have enough evidence that I can leave safely with my kids. Thank you for all the support ❤️

You have enough evidence already girl. Xx