Advice needed

Hey hun, inbox me.I work from home and I am a sahm. I always want to share what I'm doing to help other SAHM

Tbh let the garbage take itself out. Go work a job and make yo bread and provide for your kids and yourself! Aint no use in being with a man who cant even provide the basics. He made a family with YOU girl and if he cant prioritize the family he made over the one he came from he aint it sis. Hes living in delulu land if he thinks he can just call off work and do whatever over what he should be doing! If he got time to do extra BS then he has time to work a second job.

And i dont want to flaunt or throw nun in your face but this mentality and lifestyle isnt healthy for you or your kids. My man let me quit my job and i do my motherly duties and i make our house a home . He provides everything, works 12 hour shifts and off jobs on the weekend, helps work for his bestfriends landscaping company and works OT to have more than he needs. He took over my car payment , Insurance payment, provides all child necessities and all housing costs and were finally buying our first home next year. Thats what works for us! That his job as a man and a father! Sounds like your man dont want to do either of those things. Its a lazy mentality. He dont want you to work because he doesnt want you to see you can get it and do it on your own. Its a way to kep you dependent on him and at a lack of resources so you cant leave or have a back up plan for shit like this .. its a way to enable him to do bare minimum and use his family as an excuse to not do better.. no ambition

And no determination and i can see it from a mile away. You are your own person girl! Go work that job! You dont need no man! Atleast not this one.. tons of men who would love a woman who takes care of her family and her kids and her home. He sounds controlling and ungrateful and lazy .

Sorry to hear you’re in this situation. Being in a financially difficult situation I can relate. Although my partner wouldn’t be this irresponsible tbh. I get he’s doing something nice for his brother, it’s nice to be kind. But when you’re in a position when you need money like you REALLY need the money then it shouldn’t be happening. He needs to prioritise you and your kids. Also the condom thing, I assume you’re not in the UK unless you are which contraception is free here. If not and condoms is more affordable then he needs to suck it up. They aren’t THAT bad. If they irritate him medically and then thats another story but if not then he’s going to have to if he doesn’t want another kid. Don’t let him convince you about any method including pull out, it’s a dangerous game to play. On top of that realistically say you get in a position where you get pregnant again but cannot afford to have this baby. Assuming you’re not from the UK then bills are going to roll in, and plus a lot of

Other things. Then what? If you don’t want to have another baby yet then this is the kinda thing you should talk about to make him think again. Our actions have consequences. It’s not fair on you and at the end of the day if my partner did this I would be saying we either wrap up or we don’t have sex 🤷‍♀️ it’s as simple as that really. Obviously do what you want to do but personally I would be absolutely astounded at what he’s said and done

@Patricia @Dionne Yall took the words right out my mouth literally but it seems like everytime I look for a job they take one look at my belly and don’t call me back 😩😩 also he does pay for everything he also doesn’t mind helping cleaning or doing laundry we are holding onto our last until Thursday night so he also doesn’t have any money but my thing is his mom is always the root of our problems he was going to go to work but his mom asked him to go pick up his brother and he offered to pay her the 226 when he get paid because he thinks he has to provide for her family as well because she is a single mom so he thinks she needs help 🤦🏾‍♀️ which is stupid because he could’ve saved that money for times like this when we are waiting on the next check im tryna figure out a way to tell him that’s not his responsibility without him trying to argue

@Dionne I feel like he’s young and he really didn’t understand what it meant to be a parent til now but my thing is don’t act like you miserable because we both been having unprotected sex for 4 years now he kno what come out of that 😂😂it’s like he loves being a father but he didn’t know you had to come home and be a father right after working 12 hours like you dumb ass so if course I change most diapers I bathe my son while he puts on his ointment and rocks him to sleep then his shift is basically done cuz as a sahm everything is already done

@Jada im sorry if my opinion comes off wrong but i dont think he knows what hes supposed to be doing . It seem to me like you are excusing snd normalizing the situation he has put yall in. But nothing for me. Why he worried bout his mom? Her life is the way it is due to her own decisions. Its not a right to have a family, it is a privilege. Just because yall made kids together doesnt mean he had a right to happily ever after and you just supposed to excuse the bahavior because “hes young” . If a grown up conversation puts him in fight or flight where he wants to argue because he cant handle the truth of the situation, hes a boy. Not a man. Like i said above, if he has time for extra, he has time for a second job, he cant be paying for everything if you dont even have whole clothes. He cant be paying for everything if yall are check to check. He cant be providing properly as his family deserves if hes got yall struggling and got you stressed! I dont know anything about our finances.

My man never tells me what we have and dont have. If we dont have it, he buys it. If i want a coffee, he gets me one . He never lays on me what we can and cant afford. My stress is the home and he asked me to be home so his stress for financials is a burden he carries alone and thats how it should be! He has to figure it out, he made a family with you! And clearly isnt being smart in preventing even more children. Its not a life for everyone but if thats his ideology, he better go get another job or go get another higher paying job because its only going to get more expensive.

You cant be with a man who strives for nothing and expect something . Thats what my mom has told all my siblings including me. If he aint doing absolutely everything he can to provide, i cant be disappointed if i stay and nothing changes. Dont expect a brand new car, a nice house, nice clothes, new shoes, etc etc etc. if hes okay with affording bare minimum, thats all youll ever have if you allow it . If he wants to provide for other people so much, he might as well go move in with his mommy snd allow you to move on with your life because what does he bring to the table that you cant do for yourself?

Feeding your family is a basic requirement FOR YOUR FAMILY. He isnt even feeding yall but has the audacity to take care of his mama and refuse to use condoms? He cant even feed the mouths he is required to rn but he is okay with possibly creating more mouths to feed? Hes living a life he cant afford. Man needs to step tf up or step tf out and thats just my opinion because as a woman we need to set higher standards. The bare minimum, you can get that from any joe shmoe down the road. I could never allow a man to give me bare minimum and I expect the world of me while he doesnt deserve half of what i have to offer. Thats a give give give and a non reciprocal situation.

And my hubby works hours and hours and comes home and still does everything for these kids and gives me a break. Im sorry mama you are fckin gorgeous! You DESERVE more and you know you WANT more. It shouldnt be an argument to explain to a man what he needs to do,. Then again you shouldnt have to explain to a man what he should already be doing. A man will do without being told . Thats being an adult. A spouse and a father . I would get exhausted constantly tryna argue my case to a man i bared children for and do everything for . If he cant see what he needs to be doing maybe leaving will wake him up 💛 all love mama.

@Patricia girl I love you you remind me of my big sister literally but don’t apologize it’s the truth I need to hear this because I have been doing this my whole life giving people excuses and saying fuck my feelings it’s like my mind tells me “girl your over exaggerating he doing this because he lost his father and his mom has instilled in his mind that as an older brother he has to step up and take care of his siblings” I’m ready to have this conversation with him I’m tired of holding my breath I can’t have this convo with anybody else cuz they just tell me your gonna lose something good 🤦🏾‍♀️ I feel like I also make excuses because I will self sabotage if I feel like I’m settling and then tell myself he wasn’t that bad 😂😂 he’s a real bad mommas boy his sister seems to be the only sane one she’ll tell the mom no in a hot sec he don’t see nothing bad in anything she does his mom is an angel in his eyes she even disrespected me and he told her he hates the way I talk to her

@Jada my man had a terrible background . Dad walked out and mom was a heroin addict who chose men over her boys. Hes never allowed his past to be a security blanket to settle and do less because “ well my past” “well im broken” blah blah blah. I understand having love for his mom but he needs to realize he made a family with you and if he cant honor the life hes created willingly and do better by you then hes no good. People telling you youre gonna lose something good? Like there arent billions on this planet and men who never let there woman even pay for a water. You are beautiful, and if your man tries to fill your head with that shit too than hes dumber than he sounds cause you are a 10/10. Why settle for pond water when you can have fiji water? In a world of trees, shit you prolly the amazon rain forest. He sounds like his family float his “im doing everything i can” mentality. He will never be better or change unless he has to, i would leave and say if he wants a family so bad

He has to prove that. Cause it doesnt show to me as a stranger that he even deserves who he has . And hes living a crazy life style for someone who doesnt care to use protection or feed his own damn family.

If hes comfortable with other men caring for his family than he needs to grow up. My man would never even let my father pay for anything we need. Thats the pride in him . And it should be that way! Its time to grow up 💛 my man wasnt always who i speak of today, i left. We celebrated 11 years in November, i refused to teach him how to be a man. He woke up one day and realized he wanted this family and he proved to me he was ready for one.

EXACTLY what Patricia said. My husband also works 6 10 hour shifts a week sometimes more. He’s working in the morning on Christmas Eve. To make sure we have everything we need… and usually everything we want. His brother just asked to borrow money and our car and he said sorry bro can’t put my family out. He even supports my school aged sister as his own. If your husband is not making yall the priority then you need to have a REAL conversation with him. But low key, you shouldn’t have to ask. Hugs** I hope he gets his shit together! I know you gone make a way regardless tho that’s just moms, period. ♥️ you got this!

That's unacceptable. He should take care of his family (you & the kids) & household first. He sounds very irresponsible. You should definitely have a conversation with him about finances & also using some type of protection in the future whether he likes it or not. I'm sorry you're going through this. You deserve more. He needs to step up for his family

Are you pregnant rn?? If so just have the baby and start organising yourself again. Maybe move with mum if you need to and she agrees. Can say you need mama's help pp. OR simply take over the finances of the family. Tell him straight that he's being selfish. That he doesn't need to choose between his 2 families but he needs boundaries. Tbh if you were still just dating I'd tell you to run. Because men who can't have boundaries with their families will be a headache for you forever. But atp you need to be direct and demand what you need and want and I am not a fun of ultimatums but he may need some. Hope it gets better for you. Learn to be firm. He needs it. . Xx