Relationship after twins

Oh my, thought I was reading my life except my twins are 5 months. Hoping it’ll get better! Sending my love 🩷

How's your sex life? I know that's super personal and you don't need to actually answer. But just think on it.. that's when shit got the hardest for us, he was understanding and kind through the first few months but then I got comfy and used to not doing it. And that caused a lotttttt of issues. We sat down and really communicated and he explained to me that it's absolutely just a physical thing for men. They create sperm every single day and biologically they should release it from their body every day. When that doesn't happen and it goes days and days it starts creating stress, pain, and anger in a man because physically his body is screaming at him to get it out. It's so hard after having babies, it's literally the very very last thing on my mind but I just had to start making it a priority to get us out of the roommate phase and back to intimate partners 🫶🏻

@Kylee I mean I do agree but he can whack one out in the shower and also focus on not being so emotionally disconnected also. I've told mine I don't care how much he thinks sex will fix everything, it won't if its me forcing myself to be intimate and him continuing to be emotionally disconnected. The chat has to be more than just about his physical needs.

@Mou yeah it's definitely different for everyone but literally the only time he's emotionally distant, stressed, and short is when it's been 3-4 days and i haaaattteeee porn so I'd really really rather it be me than "whacking one out" that's where the conversation began because I assumed he was watching when he was out of town once a week and definitely was true, so we talked it through and he helped me understand that men's needs are totally different than women's needs and it really does affect everything after, work, the drive home, getting home to two insane toddlers and a grumpy ass fiance, does not help his stress. It's literally the only thing that was struggling in our entire life. That's why I said it, it's a common struggle after having kids. It's hard to find yourselves as individuals and a couple once there's a baby there, let alone 2.

Definitely try talking things through to understand why he's moody and say what you need too. Is there anyone who can mind the kids for a couple of hours whilst you do something together or just chat? My husband and I have moments where we're disconnected due just trying to get through another day with twins on very little sleep but once we have some time to ourselves and have a proper chat we're ok again. @Kylee I know some men like to use that excuse to pressure their partners into being intimate when they're perhaps not ready but if men don't release it, sperm is actually released into their urine and they will come to no physical damage by keeping it in their pants. Their emotions might be another matter though!

@Lydia yeah I'm not saying his balls are going to explode. I'm saying his stress and emotions are going to be HIGH without it. And he matters too. He doesn't just get forgotten because I'm a mom now. Even my parents (8 kids) came over at 2 weeks pp, they had a deep talk with us about how our relationship needs to stay a priority or it'll get lost in the sauce of being parents. It's just the truth. Your relationship with your partner needs to remain a priority or you'll very easily lose it in the stress and every day life of being a parent

Relationship should remain a priority, from both parties and a relationship isn't just sex.

🤣 exploding balls! Yeah I totally agree, the relationship needs to be a priority so the family is solid and you can both be your best selves for your kids and also model what a healthy relationship looks like.

@Mou absolutely! It's not JUST sex.. but sex is a very very very important part of every relationship. And helps the ship keep sailing smoothly. Again, he didn't make it an issue he handled it on his own, but I had an issue with that and brought it up and that's when the discussion began. 8.5 years into our relationship, and I just couldn't handle the thought ❤️ we're all different tho just throwing it out there for OP in case that's also why the distance began in her situation.

Hi all, thanks so much you all your responses. I think we are caught in a bit of a rut where we are shattered and laying into each-other rather than being a team. intimacy is the last thing on our minds atm but I do agree it’s an important aspect of our relationship. I think we need to make time for eachother away from the twins and kind of rebuild things, it’s so hard when you don’t have time to think though isn’t it. I guess we all go through trying times and love the twins but they have turned our lives upside this year!