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Your husband should be on your team figuring out how to get you out on the slopes, not ditching you to hang out with his friends. He should be asking and you should be freely able to say no because he's not considering your needs or your child's. Hold his ticket and board hostage while you have this conversation. It's an important one that will set the stage for years to come. Unless you had a kid by yourself, he's also on the hook for these "consequences."
If you want a break or to go have a good time, and don’t have family to leave him with, then you need to get a sitter. Like there’s really no way around that. Find someone and build a relationship with them. Hangout with them with your child and husband and see if they’re a good fit, get to know them. Background checks etc. if this isn’t about you doing something WITH him and you just want to go somewhere and do something kid free, have some me time, then leave your child with dad. Don’t even ask just do it. You can have the best of both worlds, dads just don’t view it that way and you have to make your needs known. Communication is key. If this is purely bc you don’t want to leave your child then that’s on you. I will leave my kids with grama any day to get some alone time it’s just about when someone is free or willing to watch all 3/4 of our kids.
"his freedom to do things without asking or being tied down to the obligation of our child" That's an incredibly troubling sentence in my opinion. The key words being "our child". It's not just yours, it's both of yours. He should be shouldering as much obligation as you. I don't know how young your bub is, but at any age, ever time someone is headed out of the house for an extended period, it should be a conversation. If you're still breastfeeding and that's part of the concern, I highly recommend getting a pump to give you more freedom. Or introducing formula occasionally. Otherwise, there's zero that you can do for baby that he can't or can't learn to. You deserve time out of the house too. Self care is so important for our mental health!
Talk to your partner, be honest say you feel bad asking him to stay behind and have the kids cause you don't want to force the obligation on you but at the same time you do need time for yourself and you want time with him too, ask him if he could help you come up with a plan so you can do things you enjoy without feeling like you're forcing him to do it
I dont have any advice because im stuck in the same boat. It sucks, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone. And after reading the responses, i'm definitely going to have a talk with him. Thank everyone!
As parents who want to be incredibly present with our little boy, I completely understand not wanting to leave baby alone with absolutely anybody on a deeper level. It’s hard nowadays to build relationships with people knowing there is still a possibility that they’d disappoint us. However, at the same time, just as everyone else in the comments said, you deserve the same time off, mamas and to do that, you guys gotta communicate. Let him know that you’d want him to put the same effort you’re putting in for baby or at least let it be 60:40 not 90:10. You can’t be shouldering most of the responsibilities while he’s letting his sac hang loose, you know? No hate on husband but he gotta step it up some, you feel me? Anyway, all the best of luck to you both and I hope you get some rest too mamas. Baby is no joke!
My husband made it clear to me that he has trouble reading my mind or putting priority on the same activities that I do (for example, a luxurious shower is TOP self-care priority for me sometimes, whereas for him self-care looks more like a workout). He told me to just *take* the time, don’t ask for it. “The answer is yes. Just tell me where to be and when and go get your hair cut or volleyball in…whatever!” I’m still working on it, but especially as our oldest has gotten less dependent on me (she’s almost 3), it’s easier to do this bc we’re both equally capable. My baby obviously still needs me since we’re ebf 🤷🏻♀️ The fomo is real. In this sitch I’d plan my own thing with friends asap! Like get it on the books so you have something to look forward to too 😊
We believe we can do all of the things we loved before having a baby either one with some modifications. In this situation, we may bring the baby and take turns or my husband may go this time and I’ll do something another time. Either way, my husband does not have the freedom from obligation yours thinks he does. He would never make plans without discussing it with me first and his first priority is his family.
I feel like this is a conversation you need to have with your husband. You say he has the freedom to do things without asking or being tied down to the obligation of a child and that is wild. He should still ask...