Coping with MIL expectations
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You can also be clear that the conversations about the baby and parenting now are giving you anxiety and that you want to keep things light for now. I had to set this boundary with my MIL last week and she understood. Just be direct and make sure your partner has your back.
Oh god she sounds dreadful. I wouldn’t really say anything to her until she asks specifically about having your baby. It sounds like she’s very much just assuming she can have your child which just isn’t how that works 😭 until she ASKS, then say no, until then, let her buy everything she thinks she needs because that’s what she gets for not being considerate. You don’t need to explain your reasonings either, no is enough x
@Lady D thank you so much!
Make some boundaries and apply them.. Me and my partner have made a list of rules of what we will be enforcing/expect of people when baby arrives. So an example for you- baby will only be away from us overnight when they are over 2 years old unless they are being looked after at our house (so MIL comes to your house to babysit n sleeps on sofa/spare room or goes home when you are back etc). this is your baby, you’ve carried them for 9 months, they need you the most and mama knows best! I am 35 weeks on Thursday and nervous for how I will feel with all the family wanting baby all the time.. but if your MIL is very opinionated and forceful in what she thinks/says… your partner needs to speak to her too. Just say to him I think it’s lovely your mum wants to help and do this and that, but I’m not comfortable with a,b,c and we need to set rules and boundaries we agree on together as parents xx
@Summer this is exactly what I was planning to do! But it is getting very clear that if I wait to tell her she’s going to cause world war 3!! I’ve already had it out with her because I said no to her being in the room when I give birth!!!!!😱😱😱 honestly it’s just so overwhelming 😩😩
@Sophie thank you so much!! Me and my partner are planning to sit down and talk about it over the weekend!
@Ellie Spyrou oh bless you, I can’t imagine she’s making anything easy for you! She isn’t entitled to your baby and she can either respect your boundaries or stay well away! Hopefully she’ll calm down once baby is here x
@Ellie Spyrou yes deffo get some sort of rules made… he has to be onboard and enforce them especially to his mum! Good luck gal
Just remember no is a full sentence when it comes to your child. No I don’t want you to hold them. No I don’t need you to change/feed them. No I don’t need a break for you to look after them. No thank you. This is your child and you set the boundaries. Your child needs no one other than you. You also need your child. Don’t feel bad when people ask to look after them when you’ve not asked. It’s only for their personal gain no one else’s.
During pregnancy I’ve come to realise that you’re going to upset people when you place boundaries that are necessary for your mental health. The way I see it is if family don’t have my best interests placed first then I couldn’t care less if they’re upset. The fact that they’d get me stressed and upset about their demands during the most vulnerable life change we can go through tells you all you need to know about them. Selfish! I’ve also come to realise with MIL’s they often get too excited and see a grand baby as a “do over”, but f-that 🤣 you just got to make your expectations known early on and stick to them unapologetically.
You might not be able to manage it without causing drama. I think that depends on how receptive she is to what you’re telling her. It seems like family members, particularly grandparents tend to fantasize about what life with their grandkids will be like. And I think bc they’re the parents parents, a part of them thinks they can just do whatever they want bc they used to be authority in their kids life. It’s seems they have difficulty making that switch and realizing they don’t really have a say and grand babies aren’t a parenting redo. Every family is different and ultimately it just depends on what you’re comfortable with. You still have some time left, but definitely need to be honest with her about what your plan is. Don’t try and tell her what she can do and not do - tell her what YOU will and won’t be doing.
Don’t get into yet - the baby isn’t even here. Take each situation as it arises. Make sure your partner has your back - he should be the one handling these difficult conversations with her and supporting your wishes. I’d have your post-birth wishes in order and communicated soon (no kissing baby, t-dap vaccine, anyone who wants to babysit needs a baby cpr class, no hospital visits, wash hands…)