Feeling of failure

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. I feel the exact same - I had an emergency c section two and a half weeks ago and the first week was filled with awful flashbacks and night terrors as I adjusted to life at home. I am filled with anxiety constantly and cry a lot. I am speaking with the mental health team as this is a side effect of our traumatic birth and they've recommended that I go on medication. Hopefully you get some help because if it's anything like what I'm going through, it's hell xx

Oh lovely, I hate birth plans, because the baby has not read it, nor has our body. Birth intentions are much kinder. We set ourselves up to fail and feel failure. You've been through stress, trauma on top of the hormones and sleep deprivation. Please give yourself a chance to catch up and look at what you grew from scratch! You did that it is a mammoth achievement, and just because the final 1% you needed help....be kind this will pass. X

Aw you are not a failure if anything you’ve endured 9 hours labour then had major surgery then had the recovery of the c section! You’re amazing!

You're not a failure at all.. You still gave birth to your beautiful baby.. some people just can't give birth naturally, but that doesn't mean you have failed. You have been through a lot, so give yourself a lot of credit. C section isn't easy, so go easy on yourself. I would love to give birth naturally, but it might not be possible for me. I may have to be put to sleep to get my baby out due to health conditions but at the end of the day we created that life and we carried them for 9 months that's alot in it's self the delivery is just the end stage. Keep your head high mumma your doing amazing. ❤️ xxx

Aww hun you are not a failure. This is exactly the same as what happened with my first. Induction took immediately and I did 17 hours of 6in10minute contractions and back to back labour. I went from 2cm to 3cm dilated in that time. My delivery notes all say “failure to progress, and maternal exhaustion” I beat myself up about it for months thinking I’d failed as I’d not had a ‘natural’ birth. The important part is that you are safe and baby is safe and both here to enjoy each other! There is no right way to give birth and this is not your fault! I ended up with PTSD from my first delivery and had to have counselling to help rationalise that I had not failed. You are strong and you can do this! Message me if you need someone to chat too.

I had my little girl 4 weeks ago with a very similar story, contractions every 2 and a half minutes and 10 hours on the drip but I was only 2cm which is where I was when they broke my waters. But the way I look at it is I didn’t fail…my little girl is here safe, she’s amazing, and I wouldn’t change my experience for the world as it brought her to me. Try not to be so hard on yourself lovely…you brought your little girl into the world, you kept her safe for 9 months, you gave her a safe space to grow, and now you get to hold her in your arms and watch her grow 🧡 I know it’s hard, but you didn’t fail.

C-section or “natural delivery” you delivered a healthy baby there’s no right way to give birth everyone is different. I too had this problem 15 hours of active labour according to the machines but was only 3cm dilated. I too signed for a c-section but by the time I got to the theatre I had got to 9cm. It doesn’t matter how you managed to get your baby into the world what matters is you got them here and carried them for 9 whole months! You’re a rockstar don’t you forget it. Be proud momma you now have your beautiful baby in your arms. Enjoy them they don’t stay small for long 💗💙

Hold on to the fact that this was one day in her life. I had to have an emergency section and to this day, I can't accept that I gave birth to her. However, I can accept that I cared for her throughout the pregnancy, gave her a great start after the delivery and that she is a kind, super sweet, adorable almost 4 year old. Giving birth to her naturally wouldn't have changed who she is and hasn't stopped us having the best bond and her loving me in a way I've never known.

Yes, I had therapy. Message me and ill send you a file a survey my therapist did of 40 women its so much more Common than you think and nothing to be ashamed about!

I’ve had my daughter about three weeks ago and with similar situation. I know exactly how you feel because that’s how I feel right now and I don’t think it gets easier because I’m still struggling to shake it off after three weeks. You’re not a failure, You’ve done great to endure labour pain for 9 hours. Hopefully you will feel better soon xx

You’re both here, safe, healthy and alive - that to me isn’t failing mama. Natural or sunroof you are still a mum, your baby is still perfect and you did an amazing job! You made and grew your gorgeous little baby, for 9 months! And now she is here. Cut yourself some slack mama and allow some grace during this already stressful time. If you haven’t already a birth debrief might help you a little to process the birth itself. You can organise this with your hospital - they will go through your labour and be able to answer any questions you may have. I had this with my first birth as it was rough and I was in/out of it. I’d really recommend it x

Ah I am so sorry to hear you feel this way! I totally understand ❤️ I felt the exact same way after my emergency c-section. I had to have an induction at 38 weeks because I had ICP. And after 5 days of induction and multiple methods used I got all the way to 8cm dilated but then ended up developing an infection from probably all that my body went through. Baby’s heart rate started going up and so we went straight to emergency c-section. I also felt that my body had failed me and my son in so many ways. I had tried to hard and gotten so close but just couldn’t do it in the end 🙈 For a long time after birth I really struggled with this (still have ptsd to some degree tbf) but it does get better (I am 7 months pp now) 🙏🏻❤️ You are both here safe and sound and that’s what truly matters! You didn’t fail! You are incredible mamma, you created a whole human! Sending big hugs x

My heart goes out to you, my son is two weeks old and I had what sounds like the exact same birth as you. My induction ‘failed’ as I went into hyper stimulation an hour after my first gel, but they kept me in hospital for the entire weekend Fri - Sun and gave me a 2nd gel before going to delivery suite despite my blood pressure dropping extremely low and baby being in distress, I ended up unconscious and baby was getting very poorly that I too, was a cat 1 emergency. It turned out baby was wrapped head to toe in his cord which was unusually long too, so regardless of induction or natural labour I would have ended up an emergency c section either way. I had all of the same feelings, my body failed etc but had to remind myself of the bigger picture that this was the safest outcome, you are NOT a failure at all and Caesarian birth does not make you any less of a mother or a woman. Please please speak to your health visitor or GP for some support and also look at requesting a

A birth reflections appointment with midwife to talk through your birth / the trauma / anxiety etc , as can be super helpful. Sending big hugs & I promise it will get better x

You must understand and comfort yourself with the fact that you are a woman who tried to give birth and births are unpredictable! The situation could have been great or terrible or semi-terrible, but you have no power over this so let it go. It is NOT your fault or your body’s! Last resort was c-section and it happened but your baby came out beautiful and healthy so you should be grateful for this!

I had exactly the same thing as you, my son's heart stopped and they had to do emergency c section. The thing is, so many people sugarcoat the experince with this whole 'best thing that ever happened to me' and we think that natural birth is something we need to do at any cost. The moment I knew my son was healthy and ALIVE, i couldn't care less about how he came into this world. Giving birth naturally doesn't make you more of a mum, it's the 'work' afterwards that counts. Also, once your hormones settle, you might feel a bit better about it.

I felt the same! I highly recommend asking for a debrief from the midwife, helped me a lot. You get to talk through the labour, ask any questions and also get offered support x I still feel sad about the experience and anxious about future births but the main thing is a healthy baby!

Birth reflections was so helpful to me

@Charley absolutely this! There are so many factors that can increase or decrease your chances of vaginal delivery! I wasn't dilating with back to back contractions and I'm convinced it was just sheer panic on my part. Once I demanded (honestly!) to go to the delivery suite even though I was only 2cm, I immediately relaxed and baby arrived in a couple of hours. You have an evolutionary need to feel safe to give birth and it sounds like you weren't supported in that. OP is a wonder woman and now has a beautiful baby to show for it. That's all that matters!