Separated

So a few days ago my partner of 6 years left. Things had been extremely rough for a long time and he clearly had reached his breaking point. Mentally neither of us are in a good place and he said we need to heal. I am bereft. I have struggled with anxiety and depression my entire adult life and I didn’t realise how far I was dragging him down. I’ve been so selfish, belittling and an all round nightmare. I didn’t ever think there was anything we couldn’t get through. But I have been a large part of the problem for too long. I’m hopeful that it is a case of coming apart to come together, to heal ourselves and then see where we are where a relationship is concerned. Problem is I have been in fight or flight since he left. I can’t stop sweating and shaking, I keep vomiting. I have no appetite. I haven’t been doing well on citalopram for quite a while so I did contact the doctor who has put me onto fluxotine and gave me a therapy referral. I’m just looking for anyone who’s been in a similar situation, how did you get through it? How can I ease my anxiety? My usual tricks aren’t working. My littles (11 and 3) are concerned because I’m not eating. Can anyone share their fluxotine experience? I’m really looking for any advice and guidance right now, I’ve truly never felt so alone
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It is the best time to call and talk to god he is waiting you from a long time just ask and talk to him and you will see miracles just try to speak with faith, he will never leave you alone Your father Jesus a king who created sky and earth and sea will never let you need any thing believe me

I haven’t been in your situation so I apologise if this seems like silly advice. What’s your support system like? Is there anyone you can leave your children with and then go and have a night’s stay with a friend yourself? Or if that would cause more anxiety, could someone come and stay with you for a little while and make you food even when you’re not really wanting it? (Not forcing you, but it being there available might encourage you). Get a diary and plan certain activities or make lists. Reward yourself for eating snacks. Maybe invest in huel or some other kind of supplement shake/drink. Try to go on one walk a day. These are all things that sound easy but I appreciate the difficulty; I also have anxiety and it can be debilitating. Sending love x

@Beth unfortunately I don’t have anyone to stay with me, and I don’t think I could bear not to have the children with me right now. I’ve made a to do list to get through the day the last two days, it does seem to help

@Gemma I went through the same thing in 2022. My partner of 12 years left I was completely distraught to the point where I was having panic attacks, couldn’t sleep and lost a considerable amount of weight as I wasn’t eating. It’s such a difficult situation and nothing seems to help so I get it. The first thing I would suggest is spending more time with family and friends, keep your days busy but don’t ignore the pain. You need to do the work to heal and that’s neither easy nor quick. Get yourself some therapy so you can unpack what’s making your so anxious and depressed for so long as this will continue to impact your future relationships. Unfortunately the only thing on your side right now is time. You need to get comfortable with being alone, and make your life happy without your partner. We separated to “heal” with the intention of coming back together but by the time we did that we realised we weren’t right for each other. Take it and be kind to yourself in the process x

@Gemma keep on with that to do list then - when I make mine, especially if I’m having a bad mh day, I write down the simplest of things like ‘get out of bed’ or ‘go downstairs’.

All things are temporary. Hit up that therapist asap and your psychologist get some Xanax. Some medicine and therapy will go miles. Make sure you're getting sleep- melatonin that will help. Put a to do list out with simple things like, drink water, eat, shower. You will be okay because you have to. If it was this bad for your partner, your kids are affected and can't leave either- work on healing yourself for the love of those children You got this! One wake up at a time

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