What would you do?

My partner gaslights me and stonewalls me. I can’t express a simple need to him without him getting mad at me and just blowing me off. It seems like he’s capable of changing because he gets better and stops doing things that he knows I don’t like but when it comes down to talking about it as the problem arises he’s a jerk or just acts like he doesn’t care. We’ve never been able to have a sit down discussion and have a resolution. Everything just turns into an argument. And I say some mean things to him when I get to that point like “you’re a piece of shit” but he told me when I was pregnant fuck that baby. And today he told me “fuck him he’s not my baby since you want to leave me” after he threw his car seat when I was quietly trying to leave to spend my day with my mom. Bc we had been going back and forth yesterday. He slammed the door while I was wearing the baby in my wrap and I wasn’t even half way out the door. Then he proceeded to call his mom and she came to my moms and was just yelling at me and following me when I told her to leave me alone. He pays all the bills and I live in a nice apartment and baby has a great environment set up but when we argue it gets BAD and I just want to be a happy mom for my baby and his emotional development is so important to me. All I can do is stay on my mom’s couch for a few months and luckily my uncle is going to help me get out to North Carolina to live with him. I have a lot of social support out here and I don’t want to uproot my life but I can’t afford to raise him alone and live in California… also my boyfriend has two daughters that we got full custody of WHILE I was pregnant so you can imagine how much my life has changed.. and I put it so much effort to treat them good and be a support to them. But it’s exhausting and hard especially since he works nights. So I’m with them most the time.. I’m pretty set on leaving even if it means I have to be uncomfortable for a bit.. but if y’all have any insight or just kind words I could use it right now…

Show your support

They don’t change

@Olivia B facts they get worse actually. Cuz they see that you are just dealing with all of this. And when the baby comes it’s gonna be worse. He has zero remorse and care for you. You don’t deserve that treatment. Even worse how his mom enables that behavior. You’re carrying his baby you don’t deserve that at all. It’s best to get away from him. He will threaten you and say nasty things to you if you try to leave, but don’t listen to it. You’re a great person and you will be a wonderful mother.

He is abusive. This is not normal behavior.

Postpartum is also a vulnerable time just like pregnancy. You need the most emotional support you can get. Not someone who will drag you down mentally

@Nathalie thank you! It’s going to be hard but I left an abusive relationship before and I didn’t do it just to start a family with another abuser. He has so many good qualities but his communication is non existent and he’s mean. And we don’t do good in conflict together. I know I can get loud and say harsh things about his character when I’m mad/ triggered but he’s just as much to blame for letting it get there and not being supportive during this time. And i never say nasty things about his kids. And to say those things about our son and he’s only 3months old. I just know his character is trash. Leaving will be hard but my son’s development is everything to me

Yes leaving is definitely not easy. People tend to conceal who they really are. You have the best intentions and want the best for your son. I wish you luck and you’re a great mother. A single parent household is better than an abusive family. Your son wants to see you happy too when he grows up.

Girl I thought this was a post I made in my sleep! I’m in a very similar situation. Also in California. Feel free to message me if you need to vent , cry, talk out a plan or just want a cheerleader to pump you up through these hard situations. None of this will be easy but I hear it will be worth it. I started reading some single mom self help books to prepare. I can recommend one so far that I liked.

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