I’m angry at my partner

Long story short my partner is in the army,we have a toddler and a 6 week old baby. I had a c section and the scar is fine but I’m badly struggling with my back since the spinal. Some days I have to force myself to clean but then I cry afterwards because I’m in so much pain. My partner gets 2 weeks paternity leave but for c section they can get an extra 4 weeks but it’s up to their bosses discretion (he had 4 in the end). I’ve known for months he had a weeks course on the 18/11/24 first of all he was told it was 3 weeks but he told them I will likely be healing from birth so can he just do the 1 week (1 week is basic the other 2 is advance so it could’ve been broken up) they agreed to this then last week we found out he was put back on the 3 week course. I told him I don’t want to be on my own just yet because we have only just got into a routine and I’m still in agony with my back. First of all he said to contact welfare (they possibly could’ve gotten him off the 2 weeks extra) but then said I can’t stop him from doing his job. I told him I’m not stopping him I just wish it could be postponed even if it was by a few weeks! I was dealing so well mentally but tonight I’ve had an awful night with both girls and I’m just angry at him. I’m angry that he texted me earlier he was tired and that he was going to nap,I’m angry that he gets to have uninterrupted sleep,I’m angry that he doesn’t have to think of when the babies next due a bottle,when to schedule naps to clean or shower,when to sort out food and when I can make food for myself I’m just angry. I’m so so grateful that he provides for our family and he is so supportive when he’s home I’m just angry that I feel like I’m just a mum right now,I don’t think for myself and I can’t remember the last time I did something for myself or to make myself feel nice,I just feel lost as a person but he just gets to carry on with his life and not have as much of a burden as I do. Thank you if you’ve made it this far x

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I’m sorry you’re going through this. Military life is really hard especially for the spouses and kids, it’s so so demanding with very little give or option. That’s why it takes a special type of person to be able to handle military wife life with children and it’s so much harder with 2 under 2. Have you tried any military wife support groups? There should be one on base that meet up. I’d also maybe suggest going to pelvic floor therapy as soon as you’re cleared to do so (ask OB for referral). It should help tremendously with your back. You’re doing your absolute best and rocking it 💕 hugs mama! 🫂

My husband is also in the military, he was off for 3 weeks annual training when I just gave birth. I also have 2 under 2 and had c section for both. It has not been easy at all but I know my husband is the only one working to make ends meet (trust me, it's not so easy for them too), so I have had to endure, i take things one day at a time, i look for something in a day to make me smile, I look forward to something everyday (a book, a movie, a walk... Anything). Please take things easy with him, you can sit him down and talk to him (without raising your voice or making him feel like life is easy for him). Your feelings are valid, so is his. You'll be fine. Virtual hugs And please go and get that back pain checked out.

@Lauren no I know,thing is I’ve learnt to cope but I think because my hormones are all over the place right now that’s why I’m feeling this way and then on top of learning to deal with 2 under 2! I’m in a few Facebook groups and I’ve made 2 friends on base I’m actually meeting one tomorrow! I have a physio appointment booked in December but I don’t have anyone to have the kids so unsure how I’m going to do it! Thank you so much,I really appreciate that 💕

@Tabitha I’m sorry that must of been incredibly hard! I’ll definitely try that thank you! I know I’m being unreasonable and irrational right now,my hormones are all over the place and I’m still learning to adjust so I don’t even think I’ll bring it up unless those feelings start festering,it was just yesterday I was having a bad day with the kids and I had him ring me saying he was going to nap so I think that was the icing on the cake! Thank you 💕 I’ve been to the doctors several times they’ve been giving me pain meds until my physio appointment next month!

Shit being a mom is a choice u chose it. Ur always gonna be the one doing more as a mom

@Mella I’m aware it’s a choice,am I not allowed to have a bad day? I was also aware I would also be the default parent as it’s what I signed up for especially with my partner being in the job he’s in. I’m clearly struggling postpartum and not having any help at all but thank you so much for that comment

@Mella Theres no reason to be ugly on the inside too. This is a support group where people have bad days and vent and get advice on things they’re struggling with. You don’t even have 2 under 2 yet so you have zero room to judge and run your mouth like that to someone when they’re having a bad day. If you can’t handle yourself and keep your mouth in check, maybe you shouldn’t comment on support group posts at all.

@Lauren thank you for saying this! Let’s just hope that when she needs support she isn’t met with someone like herself. I’m glad I read her comment when I was in a better headspace otherwise my reply would’ve been a lot different and it wouldn’t of helped! X

@Lauren if u think that was rude ur in for a shock in this life. So fast to be defensive sorry ur so sensitive.

I am met with myself because I don’t rely on others👌🏼

@Mella you’re in for a rude awakening once you have your second 😂 don’t come crying and bitching here then miss big and tough. Hopefully your kids don’t grow up to be pieces of shit like you and they’ll know better but being around you, it’s 50/50 on whether you’ll either have any relationship with them when they grow up cause they’ll see exactly how ugly of a person you are or they’ll be just as big of pieces of shit as you cause that’s what you taught them and you’ll have no one to blame but yourself for that outcome. Do better. The world has enough shitty people, you don’t need to bring in any more.

No worries Incog, I hate cocky people who think they’re better than everyone else and have their heads so far up their ass they can’t tell daylight from digestion. I don’t put up with that BS. Her initial comment was uncalled for and shitty. Glad you’re in a better headspace now 💕 I’ve heard things will get easier with 2 under 2 when the youngest gets a bit older (we have a 20m and 3 month old and it’s still tough but getting a bit easier). I just keep reminding myself of that and tackle one day at a time right now! Hope your meeting with your friend went well today!

@Mella maybe the weed is giving you false confidence but I hope when you have 2 under 2 you have the support you deserve ☺️ just some advice it’s costs nothing to be nice so please don’t go out of your way to be a bitch for no reason,it’s not wanted nor needed.

I deal with my 7 siblings and my baby I’ll be good 👌🏼 I am confident

@Lauren so do I! If you have nothing nice to say don’t say it, it’s so simple! I really appreciate you calling it out! I can imagine that age gap is so tough as well so kudos to you!! I’m in the UK and it’s 2:06am here so it will be later in today but thank you 💕

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